Hear the Voice of the Heart

2011-11-13T00:50:00.000+08:00

突然，渴望有人会来到自己的身前，轻轻地对我说：

你的痛苦，我都明白；你的伤怀，我都明白!

2011-10-20T23:41:00.002+08:00

One year... silently slip away

Passby the vault of my heart, tonight, realized most of my friends have not been updating their blogs for long, busy in life, busy with life, so am I..

I never have expected, one year time has changed so much, in my mind, in my attitute to life. Perhaps, things have gush me through. Life is fragile. It is not something we can control at all. No matter we are on a smooth road or running on the rough surface, life will continue, it will not stop for anybody for 1 second..

Life is cruel, yet life is filled with surprise

Tonight come across a nice song, it somehow touch the edge of my heart.. Sometimes we may just come across a song which the music will just touch the heart that has been hidden deep inside, it is just such a song to me..

Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.
Chorus

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...
Verse 2

And when the stars are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...
Bridge

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...

2010-12-08T02:39:00.001+08:00

圣诞将来..

2010-08-13T04:08:00.000+08:00

如果梦是美好的, 真的不想醒来

Should i switch to use Twitter since nowadays I only blogged with short statements..

Near.. Far

2010-08-11T01:41:00.001+08:00

So near yet so far... It is a sighing for life..

No worry, be happy~

平凡

2010-08-10T01:34:00.002+08:00

很多时候,可能很想自己多一些独特性...

这一分钟只想自己只是平平凡凡就好...

2010-07-10T02:59:00.001+08:00

笑容的背后所隐藏的伤怀,没有几个人能够看得出来

戴歪了的脸谱重新锁上,生活依旧...

2010-07-04T02:30:00.000+08:00

Overwhelmed by frustrations... Every morning I woke up the sickness
still there, about get well yet like worsening, I hate this feeling!!

2010-07-03T02:01:00.002+08:00

I felt stuck in my own loyalty.. shaken and feel that it is just a foolish mindset again..

Perhaps I am expecting too much again..

Bad Mood

2010-07-02T14:18:00.002+08:00

Smiling has become a temporary solution to frustrations today

No matter how bad mood, keep on smiling.....

2010-06-19T23:33:00.002+08:00

Don't know why, since last night, confidence has left me in my latest idea..

I afraid of this idea not working and i wasting the precious time resources that I have..

A Special Note

2010-06-14T01:13:00.004+08:00

Whoa~~ Pastor Phil was preaching in the service last week..

Honestly, I am touched by the precious action of Pastor Phil that purposefully come to Singapore to preach in the service, encourage the whole church in this time of crisis whereby key leaders from the church are being "investigated" for their trustworthiness

I am touched for an action I saw as valuable, an explicit purposeful effort that try to render the all needed support to us in this season of time, but more than that, I was touched by physical presence of Pastor Phil during a period whereby our beloved Pastor Kong may not be convenient to be on the stage behind that pulpit..

Though you may not see this blog post, but I would just like to leave a post in this cyber space, and said "Thank you Pastor Phil for the things you done for City Harvest Church!"

And though you may not see this blog post, but I would also like to leave a post in this cyber space, and said "Pastor Kong, you are our beloved pastor, and forever be, and I personally trust you, and would support you Pastor, all the way! You Gambade!"

2010-05-02T02:28:00.003+08:00

Recently have watched quite some drama series, in a watch-video mode...

Realized that, in a drama series, actors and actresses who are in it, shaping the drama roles in a way that the audiences, if having harmony in the role, will have good impression onto the person who acts on the role as well very easily...

If it is not publicly true, then I am the exceptional few who am in such a way...

I always think that I am those type that easily getting myself involved into the drama story, and realize that I have good impression over a few actors and actresses just recently through a few drama series, some of which I may not have known them before until in the series itself... Interesting phenomenon...

@=@=@

Perhaps going JB tomorrow with some friends tomorrow, quite in a contradicting feeling, on one hand I quite looking forward to it because of the interactions and fellowship but on the other hands felt tiring physically to go for this trip... After staying at indoors for so long, perhaps is time to have some movement activities........

A new challenge has just joined the queue...

2010-04-20T01:42:00.004+08:00

When life is overwhelmed with challenges, what is the response of the majority?

I don't understand the purpose of these challenges or pull back factors in my life, is it that those exist really in order to prepare me for a great future and cultivate a highly successful life style? Or it exist because unfortunately I am the random few who really need to go through these? Is there really a green pasture after this tunnel? You promises yes!

I am squeezed, I felt tight from 4 sides.

I am confused, I felt undecisive at 100 junctions.

I need a thorough breakthrough in life, but it is really impossible without You because of all the pull back factors, and also I felt weak, I really really need Your strength, do You know it? Yes, i believe You know it!

Thank You!!

Half Volunteer

2010-04-18T23:52:00.003+08:00

Today went to china town to be a half-volunteer together with some from the cell group..

We went to help clean up on those old people's home, because a lot of them are inconvenient to do the cleaning... But i said I only be half-volunteer because my main role there turned up to be a translator for my group to the house owner who only know speaking cantonese... I felt bit uneasy seeing myself not really doing the physical but only chat with the old people staying in the house while others are helping out in doing the real cleaning...

Today is quite a fruitful day, not only I am reinforced the truth that building up the synergy through working together towards the same goal is very effective (in fact I think is the only effective way as well), but more importantly, giving and seeing others happy from the giving is very happy to oneself...

I hope today becomes a turning point that I love my whole cell group more, and mingle around with them more, support them more, playing with them more, chatting with them more, moving with them more, joking with them more...... (In fact, my heart is very moved today)

Anyway, I also found out the main reason that why I sometimes seldom talk to people when being in a large group, staying silently while other times I could talk so much... ...

A Recognition

2010-04-18T00:15:00.002+08:00

Last month, get a news that I am promoted to be senior engineer in my workplace... My boss fought the promotion for me among the engineers around and succeeded, with lots of sweat and tons of words to justify my promotion.

To me, this is a recognition from my manager on my contributions and work done, though I personally felt that I don't really deserve it..

In a way, it is something that worth celebrations, I guessed... but i felt this promotion a bit quiet, not that I intend to roar it out until everybody know it, only that I don't know whether I actually got the excitement in me for it, I initially intend to treat a few friends personally a meal, to share across my happiness, it turns out that, got nobody I especially eagerly wanted to share this news with...

Anyway, I felt it's weird whenever thinking that I am a senior engineer now in my workplace...

But anyway, not keeping this news, at least share it on my blog, to express my appreciation and gratitude to my God, and I deeply believe that, it is the work of His hands that I progress this far in my workplace, because I personally just am not having much great things to talk about in my work as compared to many others. Hallelujah

I also always being thankful to God that I am having a great manager like Meng who cares and fights for those that report to him, especially when hearing many others complain about the ignorance of their bosses. It is the partial reason why I still stick onto the job until this point of time.

Thank God, thank Meng, thank my now and ex-team members Lemuel, Joo Soon, Azmin, Gerardo and Nur.

2010-01-23T10:48:00.002+08:00

昨晚独醉，今晚也会醉吗?

2010-01-22T19:23:00.000+08:00

今晚又买醉...

2010-01-21T22:22:00.000+08:00

买醉...

2010-01-13T01:34:00.002+08:00

Today while on my way back from Taiwan, suddenly recall this oldies... what an oldies...

Title: 明明白白我的心

明明白白我的心渴望一份真感情
曾经为爱伤透了心为什么甜蜜的梦容易醒
你有一双温柔的眼晴你有善解人意的心灵
如果你愿意请让我靠近我想你会明白我的心
星光灿烂风儿轻最是寂寞女儿心
告别旧日恋情把那创伤抚平不再流泪到天明
我明明白白你的心渴望一份真感情
我曾经为爱伤透了心为什么甜蜜的梦容易醒

明明白白我的心渴望一份真感情
曾经为爱伤透了心为什么甜蜜的梦容易醒
你有一双温柔的眼晴你有善解人意的心灵
如果你愿意请让我靠近你的心事有我愿意听
星光灿烂风儿轻最是寂寞女儿心
告别旧日恋情把那创伤抚平不再流泪到天明
我明明白白你的心渴望一份真感情
我曾经为爱伤透了心为什么甜蜜的梦容易醒
明明白白我的心渴望一份真感情
曾经为爱伤透了心为什么甜蜜的梦容易醒
你有一双温柔的眼晴你有善解人意的心灵
如果你愿意请让我靠近你的心事有我愿意听
星光灿烂风儿轻最是寂寞女儿心
告别旧日恋情把那创伤抚平不再流泪到天明
明明白白我的心渴望一份真感情
曾经为爱伤透了心为什么甜蜜的梦容易醒

***********************************

Just have been back from Taiwan. Post again about the trip when free-r

My Japan Tokyo Trip @ 29 Nov 09 ~ 6 Dec 09 Part I of IV

2009-12-12T00:25:00.014+08:00

Have been to Tokyo and nearby area with my family... Wasted I've not been taken too many photos... but i've decided in mind that I will come to the country again in the future...

A shopping area in Tokyo - Shinjuku's Street View, isn't it very colourful?

First eye-pleasing objects I saw in Japan
Colourful Fruit Cakes that decorated as like flowers
I guess most girls will find it very beautiful to them

High Class Shopping Area - Ginza's Street View

Colourful Rotating LED Board for LG in Ginza

Some Christmas Decoration Captured in Ginza

A famous but small home-restaurant. The ground floor served as restaurant that have about 6 tables, first floor being the home of the owner's own family. We almost lost our way while searching this restaurant, but on our journey to this restaurant, we went through the residential area and have a feel in the midst of japanese residential area that always watched in japanese drama (ya, in other words I just meant this resta

My dinner - Tempura + Fried eel + some fried Vege pieces

Very oily but they served very thick green tea to neutralize the oily food
very nice food

Christmas decoration outside the
Electric Train Station of Ikebukuro at night
(forgotten whether really taken this at night
because Tokyo is already totally dark out around 5pm local time)

These places are the visiting points of us during the first 2 days in Tokyo... Oh ya, missed out mentioning about the electronics area called Akihabara, but didn't take any photos on it...

2009-12-10T22:00:00.002+08:00

When will my stream of sadness be stopped? I seriously don't know.. every day a feeling of being sad is just like have been my companion.. day in and day out... sigh...

2009-12-09T02:11:00.002+08:00

Recently digging out some old songs, below is an old song that out of sudden flush out from my mind, very oldie cantonese song....

朋友 by 谭咏麟
====================
繁星流动和你同路
从不相识开始心接近
默默以真挚待人
人生如梦朋友如雾
难得知心几经风暴
为着我不退半步正是你
遥遥晚空点点星光息息相关
你我那怕荆棘铺满路
替我解开心中的孤单
是谁明白我
情同两手一起开心一起悲伤
彼此分担不分我或你
你为了我我为了你
共赴患难绝望里紧握你手
朋友

2009-12-08T22:30:00.001+08:00

请别走在我的前面，我未必跟随
请别走在我的后面，我未必带领
请走在我的身旁...

2009-12-08T00:40:00.000+08:00

自己独处时才会流露出真实的脸孔，写照自己心声的忧伤脸孔；在与别的所认识的人在一起的时候，总会表露出另一种的表情，不是因为自己很假，只是不想把身边
的人推开，也不想别人发现我的内心伤怀。

或许我并没有允许太多人看见我真正忧伤的一面吧

旅行时，生活很多的事情可以暂时放一旁，仿佛在做一个美丽的梦；但从旅行回来后，这梦，连同其他本来在现实生活发的梦都一并苏醒过来，那感觉真的很糟

人有悲欢离合

2009-12-06T23:39:00.002+08:00

刚从旅行回来，本来还蛮开开心心的心情，被一突如起来的消息压抑下去了，又有另一公司好友要离开公司了

纵使我早就预料这会在近期内发生，可是当它发生了的时候，心情依旧感到沉重

2009-11-12T00:20:00.000+08:00

三年了，因为这件事也懊恼了无数次了，这件事还会拖多久？

2009-11-11T11:37:00.000+08:00

徘徊在热和冷之间

K-Box

2009-11-07T00:06:00.002+08:00

On last sunday i have gone for a k-box session, surprisingly, with Gavin and Yixing.. Surprising because i always feel shy to sing with a mic, because i feel it weird to hear my own voice over the speaker..

But it was a very great session.. i turned to be hot as the time passed, and sing more and more songs.. It is a very fun session for me, off course heavily because it was with the right group of friends.. Enjoy myself so much for it until i don't mind taking cab back to end it at a later time..

Good experience..

2009-11-01T04:35:00.000+08:00

纵使有着千言万语
依旧无法让之完全沉淀
这是一种奢求
一种似乎永远不会出现的奢侈

当所有人未必懂时
自己却可能了解
当别人会置之不理时
我依旧很想坚持
一份忠，一份义
当一般人只情愿投入80时
唯独自己却不介意放入一百七
当其他人都昂首向远方踏去
我却依然守在原地

情绪的崩堤
我不再负担得起
外在必须加上冰冷的武器
不允许任何人看清自己

又是一篇随笔,随心而题

2009-10-25T21:08:00.003+08:00

我的文采不算好
我的用词未必正确
我所使用的
只是我的感情因素
渗入到我每一篇的部落格
让我发泄洪水般的情绪
让我宣泄心中的感觉

近来惆怅于这世上的无穷竞争上
适者生存的道理
造就了抢的道理
什么都得去抢的世界
让我非常纳闷
也非常伤愁
因为去抢
不是我的本性
也不是我所喜欢的

胡乱写着写着写着写着写着
又是一篇部落格了

2009-10-20T21:35:00.000+08:00

自己的热诚似乎正在减退当中，我...应该去保温，加热吗？

空间

2009-10-19T23:17:00.000+08:00

近来，对空间相对敏感，不知道之前有否这种反应，前几天在电车上，觉得别人侵犯了我的“安全地带“

比较深刻印象的有两宗：

1. 我坐在电车上，有个中年男，因为没有位置坐，靠在我椅子旁边的墙上，可是却有半个身子悬空在我的正前方，他随着电车的走动摇摆（像是没有什么骨头似的），可是他却没有留意到他已经侵犯了我的安全空间，有一段车程，他的摆动是如此的令我厌烦，我甚至心想：“哇，老兄，你总该不是想坐下我这里来吧？“

2. 同一天，当我在回程的途中，我站着，靠在其中一个玻璃“墙“上，有另一位大姐，带着耳机站在我旁边谈电话，用马来话，用英语。可是十足像个大姐谈电话那样，冰冷，简洁。可是却谈了整个车程那样，站在我的旁边，面对着我谈，一来他站的相当近，二来面对着我，声音直接"传来"我的耳朵，问题是，我想静一静，他却谈了整个车程。我得走开让出那片空间来换取个人的安静空间，讨厌！

2009-10-17T00:50:00.000+08:00

不作无谓的揣测，不作过多的解读

Extra Miles

2009-10-04T04:01:00.004+08:00

I am wondering how many people actually are willing go for the extra miles for others.. It maybe not difficult to go for the extra miles for your own family, but how many actually are willing to go for the extra miles for other people outside of your family?

Going for the extra miles is tiring, so most won't do, as it is enough tiring to go by daily lifes... If one won't go that far for another person who actually did it for the one, what meaning is left in the relationship?

But when most of the people won't do this for others, the extra miles that one does will make it more precious and valuable, because it is scarce, it is not common...

2009-10-01T23:16:00.002+08:00

Today very tired.. feel like sleeping earlier...

This week has been a very tiring week for me. Not sure if it is good or not good thing.. the remaining days of the week seems to be as tiring as well... really wish to be away for a while... to recharge, or battery will run low very soon...

2009-09-22T00:40:00.001+08:00

人情牌，用多了，就没有效果了；想改用人月牌嘛，却又是犯法的（贿赂是犯法的）

有相聚，就会有别离。纵然有再多的不舍，别离还是会到来。如果说成熟的人是可以应付这种伤愁的，
那我承认自己是个不成熟的人。

我突发奇想，有多一步可以尝试，可是不知道这可不可以挽留成功，也在琢磨着是该还是不该，
奇迹快出现吧！

2009-09-19T03:29:00.003+08:00

Was affected emotionally last 2 days...

On Wednesday basically i am not productive at all, just under shocking stage for the day after knowing that one of my colleagues is leaving..

He is like one of my left-right hand to-be..

Left-right hand as in he is one of the top performers in the team who doing projects together with us, and he indeed is a very very responsible guy and reliable team member who constantly, faithfully and responsibly follow the instructions given, regardless of his willingness of doing the task..

Why i said left-right hand to-be, because he is now not reporting to me, instead, to another of my counterpart, but he is going to be work under my umbrella after his current project at hands, which i have been anticipating for quite a while...

Unfortunately, resignation letter was typed and submitted, and he is leaving for new job next month before this shifting happen...

Though not professional to be under such state, my emotion is very mixed for the incident, given that his departure is more a result of sets of dissatisfaction besides a career path consideration rather than just the latter factor as major tipping point of such a move... I regretted that, i only feedback to my manager few weeks back for some of his dissatisfaction that i have aware off for quite a while, but never take another step to request to transfer him over under me, which i believe will resolve a few points of his dissatisfactions... I had the thought before, but due to worry being labelled as political, i didn't take this step rigorously... and now is too late, he already made up his mind to leave, without any compromise and is totally closed door...

After this incident, my manager has decided to move another project development team member to report to me directly, rather than previous arrangement of reporting to my counterpart but technically under my guidance... I think this move is triggered by the resignation incident...

It is too late to express appreciation to his previous effort, neither will this late appreciation touch him to ever consider to stay in the company... unless miracle happens...

Seems like my previous major plan which include him will need to be re-strategized... It is really really a very bad thing to lose the left right hand man...

--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--

Tonight, a bit moody, intend to look for Julius for a meet up and chat / movie perhaps, end up also meet up with Gavin and their friend YiXing...

Have been met up with Yixing I think 2 times before, but only tonight got a closer talk and deeper conversation with YiXing.. Though find him being filled by too much "curiousity", but generally still clickable, can talk and interact fine...

People shape up impression on others along the way when interacting with one another, so am I... I am interested and want to understand more on this new friend i know if got chance to meet up again in the future... i think he has not shown the true side of him in front of me, but is normal since we don't know each other well yet, but i have this impression that he has a lot of life stories and has a lot of thoughts that are unique... have been excited to have a new friendship that i think i can explore a bit further...

Realized that, coming to Singapore for 9 years now, how my life has been moved on from 0 friend here in Singapore when i just moved here from Malaysia to now build up quite some friendships.. Though overall numbers are not many here in Singapore, but among them God has blessed me with some good friends, buddies, close friends or whatever it may call, in workplace, in church... whom i can trust, and enjoy the conversations with...

In church
Kel
Jerrick
Gavin (I cannot forget that Gavin is the first whom come forward and make friend with me at the time when i just rejoin the church service after leaving quite a long while, leave behind a very strong impression in my mind, off course is a good one)
Julius (very quiet.. sometimes is like: can you don't be so quiet? so hard to dig the chatty side of him to wake up. But can tell, he is a faithful friend, that's why i always like to ask him if free to meet up some times after work which i need to travel passed the area he stays)
PengHuat

In workplace
KarWei (whom is one of my best buddy now, being a new father soon, so happy for him)
Joo Soon (whom in work, i consider my left-right hand, but is leaving the workplace soon)
James (whom in work, i also consider as my left-right hand last time, but now no longer work under me because my manager has shifted this heavy responsibility away from me and ask me to be focus on project development)

In uni
Jordan (I actually trust Jordan alot not long after knowing him, trust in a way that i never hesitate to share any business ideas i have, never suspect that he will steal it and make it his own)

I realized also it is easy and difficult to be a friend whom I consider my good friend, which i will render my help, support, encouragement and concern beyond what i normally will do... easy because it is not hard to gain my trust, through a few incidents is sufficient for me to treat you as my good friend whom I will believe and commit, but also difficult because there is no hard rule on what from these few incidents to show me...

I think during young time, watched too many sword hero stories already... have now become so emphasizing loyalty of friendships, and i am someone who prefer to spend most of my time build deeper friendships rather than build wider friend network...

Coolness

2009-08-18T23:53:00.003+08:00

Have not been blogging for 1 and half month, sometimes it is a dangerous thing not to keep the continuous flow of a momentum, because once it is lost, it can be hard to pick it up again...

Anyway, recently suddenly have this thought, it's regarding coolness~~

I noticed that people behaviour is somehow driven by the coolness behind the act, this is especially true for younger generations...

When people think dying red onto the hair is cool, dang dang, the hair color of the person turned red...

When people think having tattoo is cool, tattoo is all over the body...

When people think that wearing SKIN T-shirt is the coolest fashion in town, he/she will save up money and buy a SKIN t-shirt, and wear it and make sure everyone see it the next day...

I realized, I myself, non different from the rest, also driven by coolness...

I think that act cool in the outside even though it is hot in the heart, I do accordingly, causing me being silent at times because i think it is cool...

I think that dying hair seems cool, I did it from time to time...

I think that being hilarious is cool, I am learning to do so now...

But then...

Is it really cool? Then I realized it is actually not important that if the action is really cool in the very nature, it is the feeling of the person who did it matters.. If the person think that it is cool, he/she will just want to do it...

But I just puzzled... majority actually are merely followers of the "cool acts", who then actually being the first mover to bring up the "cool act" which later people think is cool and follow?? I have no answer... Why can't we be that first mover of the cool act? Instead of follow the pattern of action that other people influence us to think that is cool, why we cannot just influence others that what we do is cool?

I think, if we can somehow influence others that being a humble servant is cool, we will not need to worry there are not enough people serving in the church... If extend the concept abit, by influencing and convincing people that attending to a church is actually a cool act, i think people will be attracted to attend to church to see what it is really all about...

No wonder Jesus wants us to be the light and salt of the earth, to shine, to influence... But how many actually manage to do so??

Anyway, it is just something in my heart right now...

Future of Society?

2009-07-01T00:24:00.003+08:00

I am reading this book called "Logic of Life".. Initially felt a bit boring about it, but I gain some interest on it over the past few days...

Just now was reading the part of book that discussing about the development of city... Big cities tend to have higher pay job, but people stay in it also have to bear higher cost of living. This book explained that, based on some research, people still tend want to stay in big cities rather than small village (rural) amid of the higher cost of living, because big cities have the effect of "open knowledge". People can easier learn from one another and become smarter more easily, and this open up more potential opportunity to everyone who stay in it.

It then further predicts how the future development of the society will be like: given that high technology has increasingly push up the productivity of manufacturing of all the physical items that we need (that we are using), manufacture sector will need only lesser and lesser people to work in it. When the physical items (tangible items) that we need can be taken care by machines (robots?), we, the human being can and will focus our efforts to only provide services to one another in the future...

Up to this point, I am imagining that in the future, everyone will just full time serving one another, while our needs for tangible items will all be produced by machines alone.. (does that mean no need to work hard anymore since everything will be produced by machines??? Utopia scenario??)

Then the book...... (haven't read yet, so don't know what else more will the book talking about next..)

2009-06-27T03:10:00.003+08:00

Being tempted to just do micro blogging using twitter..

Sometimes being able to come up with something (long enough) to blog is not that easy, especially it is about personal life, of which i don't think is that interesting beside the thought process part (yes, I do think that my thinking sometimes actually is quite interesting, hohoho)... But just abandoning my blog is also hard... I think i am being undecisive again... nevermind, at least I am still blogging.

Time flies since the day being 20 years old, and now I am 20+... SO FAST... Have not done much in life, really hope to do much more different things in life, so that on the day when I am nearer to the R.I.P time, and look back, and I can say : "hey, I have done this, done that... and i have not wasted my life journey on earth"

But stepping out from the comfort zone is a very challenging task.. it is challenged to take that first step, and not only that.. it is equally fearful to keep that stepped-out feet and move the 2nd steps and so on and so forth..

Today while walking on the street, suddenly remembered my granny.. felt missing her, but no longer able to see her around, during this life time...

安息吧，叔叔

2009-06-07T18:20:00.007+08:00

2009年6月4日，中午 12:30pm ，我亲爱的叔叔 Thomas 离开了我们。

看着叔叔的照片出现在讣告上，我的心情是非常的复杂，这一件事好像并不是真的，却是真的。

瘫痪在病床上4年左右，他终于结束了在病床上的劳苦，回到了主耶稣的怀抱里，应该感到安慰，但是我们其实心中有着丝丝不舍。

蓦然回首，叔叔是我们全家得救的先锋，耶稣通过他，将福音传了给我们全家，包括我爷爷，奶奶...

回想以往我们一家大大小小一起出外旅游的往事，回想以往你总在我们的谈话当中高声呼叫 Halellujah... 以及后来当你瘫痪在病床上时只能使用眼珠与我们沟通的时候... 当你见到我时，
依旧眼望上方心中呼唤 “赞美主”...

最后，我想在这献上几首在你成为基督徒的人生路上所最喜爱的诗歌：

我是个快乐人

我是个快乐人要作快乐事
日日敬拜主喜乐溢洋洋
不断的歌唱用力地拍掌
天天敬拜主我要开心地赞美主
赞美主我要开心地赞美主
敬拜主我要尽心地敬拜主
多谢主我要开口多谢主
我谢我主多谢我主给我一个快乐心嘿
多谢我主多谢我主我是个快乐人你是个快乐人

Happyman.mp3 -

拉着你的手

拉着你的手，拉着你的手，
让我们一起跟着耶稣走，
不要看环境也不要看道路，
只有一个信念前进不退后。
乘风从南到北破浪从西到东
展开信心的翅膀传扬耶稣的名。
告别父母告别弟兄我要踏上福音的旅程，
纵然是苦昂首挺胸，风霜雪雨更加从容。
因为我已看见新耶路撒冷我的脚步更快更加坚定。

除你以外

除你以外、在天上我还能有谁
除你以外、在地上我别無眷恋
除你以外、有谁能擦干我眼泪
除你以外、有谁能带给我安慰

虽然我的肉体和我的心肠
渐渐地衰退
但是神是我心里的力量
是我的福份直到永远

叔叔，我会在心中想念你，你安息在主的怀抱中吧。

Burden in Mind and Heart

2009-06-03T03:17:00.002+08:00

Tonight was searching lyrics for a song, accidentally come across some very interesting post and comments on the net regarding the church I am attending and the senior pastor who is guiding the lambs in it, there is one post left by brother Isaiah early of 2009 particularly draw my attention..

He specifically pin pointing a sermon preached by Pastor Kong Hee in that service teaching about goal-setting, and conclude that Pastor Kong's sermon is non-biblical..

While reading through his comment, my heart and mind is very burdened... Because I am confused if I am hearing the something that is true in City Harvest Church, if what this brother Isaiah saying is valid, then am I wasting my time in the CHC?

However, after searching through my understanding on some verses in the bible, I have a few words to say.. here in my blog off course to re-strengthen my understanding on the faith on God...

A few paragraphs from this brother's comment have been extra interesting:

This brother said :"First off, our Christian walk is not a self-improvement course in how to better set goals and realize our best in finances, marriage, relationships, etc.! Our Christian walk is about our relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ, and working with ‘fear and trembling’ towards our salvation"

It is natural for anyone to understand that our christian walk is about our relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ, yet it does not mean we can drop off other things from our hands. There are verses mentioning about bearing fruits , serving one another, love one another among the brethen (I just cannot figure out and imagine if our relationships is not good, is there love in place?), and even before Christ rise up to heaven, He has given us the Great Commission to follow... So our Christian walk with God is really more than just a surface thought of relationship with our Lord, it is something dynamic, as relationship building is a dynamic process involving our heart..

Moreover, I think finances, marriage and relationships and etc are all mentioned in the bible.. Finances -> God teaches about tithing in book of Malachi etc. Marriage -> New Testament got a few places teaches about marriage relationship, relationships as mentioned above. It is not about whether we should pursue goal in these area or not, it is more towards what is our true intention behind... Pastor Kong teaches the church that we should follow what Jesus said to be the salt and light of the world.. If we are not doing good in these area, how to be salt and light??

Another series of paragraph by this brother:"

Secondly, Kong Hee took passages from Bible versions as and when they fitted into the message he was trying to bring across. For example, if the New Living Translation (NLT) had the word ‘goal’ in one verse, he’d take the interpretation of Scripture in that version and underline that word.

Below is my point-for-point rebuttal of the sermon:

Taking Verses Out of Context

Kong Hee reads from the King James Version (KJV) of the Bible, citing Luke 11:34 and only mentioning the first part of the verse where it says “The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light;”

It’s not surprising that he only mentioned the first part of the verse, because next up is veering the topic towards how the fact that “thine eye is single” equates to focus and therefore leads to goal-setting.

The entire verse in Luke 11:34 (KJV) actually states this:

The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body also is full of darkness.

Luke 11:34 (KJV)

Now, you tell me: even someone with some rudimentary knowledge of English will tell you that reading the entire verse does not give one the impression that it has anything to do with focus and goal-setting. One can easily infer from the word ‘evil’ in the opposite lesson the word ’single’ would mean something similar in meaning to ‘good’, no?

In fact, the English Standard Version translates that verse thus:

Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness.

Luke 11:34

There is nothing in that verse that speaks of focus and goal-setting!"

I found this comment is very interesting so I took out my KJV Concordance and refer to it to find the original Hebrews / Greek words about this term, and found out that this term is actually called Haplous in the Greek, which means "folded together, i.e. Single" (or clear), it really does not mean good in the original text... and based on the context of the verse, my understanding is more towards the meaning of focus (on God), or taking on single-direction (one-direction) view or something like that... And my understanding from what Pastor Kong teaching is that what we focus will gain in strength and what we lose focus will be weakened...

This brother mentioned: "

Calling to Unbelievers

How does a sermon that has served nothing but to teach a non-Biblical lesson touch any non-believers in the midst of that many-thousand-strong congregation?

I was surprised that a call to the unbelievers was even made! Look, if I were an unbeliever, I wouldn’t have gone forward to be led to become a Christian unless I’d said “hey, I’d like some of that riches that your God gives!”.

What kind of Christians will they be?

Where’s the preaching of sin in the first place? I don’t believe anyone can become a true Christian and disciple of Christ unless there is conviction in their hearts that they are sinners and are repentant and know that only the Lord Jesus Christ is able to forgive them and make them acceptable before God!

Can someone be moved to know that he or she needs Christ because the pastor taught a lesson in setting goals? If so, we should be seeing more conversions at Anthony Robbins seminars than in churches!

I worry for the souls of those who went forward. I really do. Because like the parable that our Lord Jesus Christ taught, these will be those who shall be building their houses on shifting sand, and a great fall they shall have when the winds blow and the rains beat down!

"

I trust that he is indeed very worry about us who is attending city harvest, and I appreciate for this concern, however, his concern regarding a calling after types of sermon, I realized that Paul has the teaching found in 1 Cor 9:19 - 23... Paul does not limit himself to one type of teaching and/or one way of out-reaching... Even when Jesus first approached and called for Simon Peter, He is not sharing a teaching of sin that this brother is expecting, but the truth is Peter followed Jesus after that encounter with the Lord, and though he denies Jesus 3 times, God changed him from Simon to Peter... and I believe that this brother may not have understood or accidentally overlook that there are a few other factors... i.e.

1. during the time before the unbelievers attended the service, there may have been some sharing of the gospel message..
2. the respond to the altar does not just stop there, there is still further effort put in to continue disciple and share about the teaching of God after that..
3. God's involvement.. we never know what God has done and will be doing in those people who responded to the altar call..

Among the few last statement made by this brother: The prosperity gospel is a false gospel that will lead you astray! It teaches nothing but worldly principles and treating God as some vending machine. And all you’re in fact doing when you give to the church (or sow, as they call it), is buying some lottery ticket that says “God shall bless me when I give more to the building fund”

I am not sure the rest, but giving to God, to me, is one learning process to a lifestyle and attitudes to express love to God. I am still thinking that it is the ultimate intention in heart that why we are doing so matters, of which the prosperity and blessing comes-by as like a "by-product" to this giving, to be honest, I never traced anything like "how much God has returned me back through His vending machine slot, whether God has short-changed me or something like that" ...

I understand my intention, so the comment saying that treating God as some vending machine is something I totally cannot agree, and I find it a bit insulting also... And also, my personal thought is: if one giving to God and believe that God's blessing will pour down upon him is equated as buying lottery which depends on chance and luck, it is very sad, as I personally believe that God is a good Father as who He said He is, and will one's true loving father choose to stay silent when His beloved children expressing their loves to Him? As i understand that God is loving Father and expressive God that He kept on repeating and reminding us that He loves us.. and it is unbelieving that sacrificing to God is like buying lottery... Also I remember in the old testament how the children of Israel gives to the priest to want to build God a temple (His house)... It is in the bible...

I am not perfect either, which makes my counter-comment potentially mislook certain teachings in the bible.. If so, it is my personal fault.. However, one thing I learn is that: God's words are wonderful and we never will fully understand everything in His Word... I will still need to continue to learn the Way...

Long post from me

Excitement

2009-05-16T04:01:00.003+08:00

Over the last few days, I have been in a very excited state, though in the midst there are some hiccup incident that cause me worry for a while...

I think I've reshaped my strategy for my next move... excitement will come...

TOoooooolBox growing

2009-05-09T01:00:00.002+08:00

In a time of crisis, there may be some other benefits that ones is reaping...

Anyway, due to this economic turmoil, company has been sending us to different training sessions recently that is partly subsized by the government here. I've learnt a lot of new tools used in various areas in life.

newly Lean Management, newly de Bono 6 Hats, reminded SWOT analysis, partial newly SMRT etc etc... Together with what I learnt personally while reading some books.. a lot...

not intend to describe in details what are those here in my blog...

Anyway, hear something quite interesting recently:

If you cannot convince them, confuse them, if you cannot confuse them, then join them...

我是部落客

2009-04-15T22:36:00.003+08:00

很久没有回来我的部落格了，趁着今晚有着写下点滴的思绪和心情，记录近来的一些经历。

刚刚过了一个为期4天的活动班，在公司的日子比较充实，但也相对比较疲倦，不过我深信，这班上所学的对我将来想做的将会有很大的帮助。

听着周杰伦的“不能说的秘密”，有着一种很想继续沉思的感觉。从小时候我就相当喜欢沉思的感觉，觉得沉思令人散发出一种气质，难以言喻的气质。有时想想这，有时想想那，总结一句，就是想不完。。。

每天看着报纸各种的新闻，感慨，无奈总是围绕着我；很多人的遭遇是不幸的，却也是无奈的，因为人能够做的毕竟是很有限的。我很想伸出自己的援手，不过我的能力真的很微薄，也缺乏了集结动员的能力和本钱。曾经想过背包到贫穷山区走一回，不过也只是想想而已。

近来，对人有些感慨，发现对人的要求越多，到头来也只是失望越大。在尽量压抑失望的情绪对自己造成的冲击，使我不至于将不满的情绪宣泄到其他无关的人身上去。。。

刚刚过了复活节，还不错的复活节。。。

Testing Email Blogging

2009-04-15T22:35:00.001+08:00

Just a test blog...... Will it success?

Regards,
Jimmy

Praise Song for This Season

2009-04-03T00:41:00.003+08:00

Recently, I am greatly moved by this song of praise - Heaven is singing tonight. To me, it is the song of season. It is not first time I am greatly moved by song, but it is very seldom being a praise song...

Anyway, a praise session to God can become very powerful session, I witnessed before in a Christian meeting made up by hundreds of Christian, and the praise session that night is so powerful, Holy Spirit come like a wave and many of the congregations cannot stands in the presence of God and just fall down, on the place where they are standing. It is very different, firstly it comes like a wave, can see (actually i closed my eyes, so should be hearing) the congregations from one direction falling, and the "falling" happen from one direction of the hall towards the other direction like a wave, on the place where they are standing, no one lay hands, no pastor praying on specific individual...

Pastor of the night has explained to us that it is the worship team on the stage leading the congregation to praise God and have attracted God's Spirit to present in such a mighty way...

Remember that I learnt from a bible study session... praise is to build a throne for God... that's why we should praise God with all our strength, all our body, all our mind... The level of praise we present to God determine the 'greatness' of the throne seat that we are offering to the King, but He worths our praises...

Hallelujah~~~

Trip??

2009-03-31T02:11:00.002+08:00

Recently got a plan to go for a trip to HK with some of my friends. The initial planned date is somewhere in July. However, due to some changes to the schedule of my friend(s), he and his friend will bring it forward to May, and the trip appear to be a rush one, so i now call it off from my plan already.

Hm.. think really need a battery-charging-with-no-work-or-projects-or-business-idea-in-mind trip, life is dull, and intend to colouring it with out-of-town trip... but not malaysia... somewhere further... though not Thai, Vietnam, Philipines, Laos, Mainland China, Myanmar, Indonesia.... Haha.. I am quite picky when coming into trip destination selections..

Unpeace

2009-03-17T21:20:00.003+08:00

I've a lot of things that i intend to do, but i am progressing very slowly overally. Very uncalm tonight, felt very rushed in heart want to achieve something, but can't...

I find it more and more meaningless for me in my current job, losing my passion and vision for it, does it mean that it is time for me to change my job??????

Seriously not known what to do next... relax and enjoy myself to bring myself back into peaceful state of mind i think is the first step to do...

2009-03-12T22:30:00.001+08:00

These few days under great stress of work, many deadlines to rush, but many things to tie me down also...

Very moody, very tired...

Where to go next?

Backpack

2009-03-03T23:35:00.004+08:00

I am thinking, if life is a journey, then it must be a trip of anyone are trying to go from point A to point B. One can choose to go through jungle to have a jungle walk and going through the scenary of trees with animals, while another one chooses to climb over the mountain will see things like snow, birds, mist, and maybe a sunrise. Some others may just want a normal walk, following pathways that already built. Along the way, we may see other, by passing them or walk together until to a place where eash other are heading towards different direction...

It seems everyone will bring along something with him/her, just like a jungle walker, or a mountain climber will bring along a backpack with important stuff inside... But i am just thinking, if we really sit down and open up this backpack of ourselves, what will we see inside?

Some actually bring along a sad and torturing memory inside his/her backpack, some put in his/her own broken heart, some place in the burdens of life... When all these are filling up the backpack, no wonder along the way, so many are so tired and cannot continue on the journey, because the backpack s/he is carrying is so heavy, didn't realize that many of those are actually not the necessities of the journey... Why bring along a heavy flipper with you when you are climbing up a mountain and don't need a flipper?

I don't know... very often the flipper looks like a mountain stick to me... and thought that i will need it on my journey up the mountain, yes, to the person who is carrying it himself/herself, it is not known...

My shoulder is heavy, life is burden, I fall but no one pick me up, i screamed but no one hear me, I call but no one answer me, I was wounded but no one cares...

不完美的完美, 顺便介绍我的一位朋友

2009-01-19T19:02:00.005+08:00

正因为我的不完美
使我更能够放下身段
为的只是追寻那位完美的

正因为了解自己的不完美
使我每每已经踏了出去的脚步
重新踏回来

正因为人生是无法完美的
使现在的我了解豁达的需要
展开了学习豁达的路

正因为人生是不完美的
所以只要做到自己的最好
对于自己来说,或许就已经是完美了

=============================

虽然您的道德尺度很高
可是您从来都不曾挥动拍打这把尺
只有不时地轻声呼唤我
去使用这把尺上的刻度
来衡量自己的生活

谢谢您的宽容
您从来都没有苛责我
只有不断的点醒我

您从来都没有离弃我
只有不停的陪伴我

当我以为我再也不可能回头
却发现您依然站在宁静的彼岸
向我挥动您结实的双手
示意我回到您的国度才是您的不变意愿

这不是普通的精神力量
也不单纯是导人向善的理论
这是一段生命的旅程
一段需要容纳您的人生旅程

不再是孤身地走
而是学习跟着他来走
不再是盲目地走
而是聆听他的声音走
不再是随便地走
而是向自己目的地走

谢谢您
我的朋友 --耶稣

我没有很高的艺术造诣
无法绘出悦目的图案
我没有很强的音乐细胞
无法谱下动听的乐章
我没有很好的文笔技巧
无法写下感人的文字

不过愿在这里写下这篇非诗非词非赋非散文的一堆文字
对于自己今天的心境留下记载
也作为一个与您的纪念

=)

Life Stories

2009-01-15T02:24:00.002+08:00

Our lifes may be viewed as story, since different people has different life experiences, each of us actually hold some life stories...

Recently I felt so honoured... that 2 of my colleagues in my respective conversation with them at 2 different occasions, shared one of their life stories to me, of which the sharings to me are something quite deep. Off course, those will not be a story in my blog post or out of my mouth..

Suddenly felt a step closer to them in the emotion realm, haha~ I think human being is like this: when you know a person better, you think you are already more closer to them... but the cruel fact is.. it may not be the case for the other parties... because they don't know you more yet if you have not shared one of your stories with them to let them also know you better yet...

But anyway, I am quite happy and still feel honoured for it.. in deed happy for 2 days by now liao~~ ok.. this blog post a bit funny, but ya.. as a closing: I am still quite happy for it...

Sick... still...

2008-12-29T20:54:00.002+08:00

Too long never have a running nose, have forgotten the 'scary' part of it... initially i thought I've fighted and win over the fever and the running nose and cough is just a small matter... today still went out... but the fact is... this running nose also torturing me right now with a very irritating type of physical unwellness... Just now in the shopping mall, I once felt that I might just lost conscious... Really hope this sickness quickly go over!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sick...

2008-12-29T00:40:00.002+08:00

These few days are fighting with a sickness fever that is developing, the process of sickness that is not fully blown but bit by bit developing is very miserable, at times much worsen than the sickness that is already happen..

But anyway, were fighting hard with the potential sickness.. Whenever I am fighting this, I will take whatever measures I can just to win over it, drinking a lot of cold and warm water, eat a lot of lozenges, guggle often, sleep alot, cool myself down with fans and aircon etc etc......

The end result is... fever maybe gone, but running nose, flu and cough are the by-product of it... My voice has turned deeper, more sexier I think~~

2008-12-27T00:32:00.004+08:00

阴天之后是阳光的再次高照，
失败之后是成功的历练，
跌倒之后是另段新旅程的开始。

乌云离我越来越远，温柔的阳光再次撒满全身
温暖的太阳
在我冰冷的内心世界注入了一股暖流
也在我黑暗的周遭散发了一丝光线

太久没有动用我头脑里的华文词汇资料库，写出来的华文怪怪的，哈哈，不用紧，我自己还懂就好了......

突然有点想尝试使用广东话去写自己的部落格，“揾日”一定要这样做... 哈哈

一无所有时......

2008-12-23T22:05:00.002+08:00

曾听教会的领袖说: 当我们一无所有的时候,其实最后剩下的只是和周遭人的各种感情.

今天,当我再次遭遇各类朋友 "放假" 的喾境的时候, 我心中思考着这个问题: 当我在各种感情上也一无所有的时候,我所剩下的又是什么呢? 突然有种很深很深的感触, 原来我只剩下与神的一份誓约, 一份我从来也不甚在乎的誓约, 却骇然之间给了我空洞的心坎里注入了一种无法言喻的安慰和支持。在我脑海里不断打转的是神的誓约，一份我已经无法确定自己是否还可以拥有的誓约。或许如今还值得我去在意的也只剩下这份誓约了......

心境很复杂，心情很飘忽，心胸很郁闷，心态很疲倦，真的很想让这情绪的阴天可以尽快成为过去 ......

霓虹灯

2008-12-20T23:47:00.004+08:00

曾几何时
我爱上了在半空中了望都市下的霓虹灯
千盏万点的霓虹灯争相在空寂的夜晚释出各自的光芒
骇然发现, 原来普普通通的霓虹灯
原来也有它那么醉人的一面

油然而生的念头
当个平凡的背包客
使用自己的双脚
到地球的各个角落
去看,去问,去感受
看看当地的霓虹灯
问问当地的风土人情
感受当地的生活步调
顺道留下自己淡淡的足迹......

我相信人的内心世界可以通过
文字的抒发,
书法的挥毫,
棋子的布局
歌声的共鸣
窥探一二

知我者在哪儿?

Drink Drank Drunk

2008-11-30T00:31:00.002+08:00

Today went BBQ with some of the colleagues from the workplace.. Given 9 people going, but the colleague who prepare for food have prepared portion that is enough to feed 18 people I believe.. so much... But honestly speaking, the food he prepared is of many different varieties, and off course that made the food part of the BBQ not boring...

They brought liqour and red wine, and as someone who have never join the group for a drink before, I become one of the targets that they keep on finding reasons (excuses) to feed me with the alcoholic drink....

But actually I also hope to try some liquor as I never drink before (except for the incident during childhood days when I and my friend drink X.O. which is left behind in his parents' room).. Ok, not bad... Hahahaha~~

2008-11-29T00:24:00.007+08:00

My physical body is much better than my initial expectation today after the night
jogging last night, and today I feel quite awake as compared to those days before the
night jog.. I am wondering if it is because today is Friday and I am waiting for
tomorrow to have off?? Not sure.. But today in terms of meal in-take seems like also
under control also... (in fact today quite easily felt hungry but still not taking in
too much, am I consuming too much energy last night??)

But I still have body ache especially at my legs' and arms' muscles part. Suddenly
feel like running again, and playing some other sports too, if not got the body ache,
I think tonight I would have another night run alone again. I think it will take me
2~3 days at least to recover from the body ache. Really hope that this round I can
grasp hold on the momentum to jogging. I seriously need to lose out much weights..

My boss has come back from Cambodia and gave me a call to ask if everything is ok in
the office while he was away...

Seriously I started to have this consideration whether I should request for a put
down of my leadership role to one of the groups under him after 1.5 years of
leadership. I just felt that I am losing my drive to be in the role. I rather being
assigned specific task to do and then just do than having too much freedom to
decide I want to do.. I just run out of ideas on what I should do... I think I will
make a decision shortly.

Hm.. Tomorrow BBQ time with my colleagues. Finally after so long. But I am quite
disappointed also that many others are not join. My good buddy in office KarWei is
not last minutes not able to join, our youngest colleague YewHun not joining, our
dear Thai friends Vee and Athip are both not in also... Feel that if they were around
it will be even more fun...

Looking forward to it nonetheless...

Night Jog...... again

2008-11-28T03:58:00.001+08:00

Tonight went out night jogging with Hq. The feeling after the run is so good, even though my stamina is as bad now after so long never really go for any serious exercises, but today is definitely a good start for me to picking up running...

Once heard before people said that once your muscle cramp before, it tends to be easier to cramp again, I don't know how true it is, and also don't know how long the effective period this saying is refering to, but unfortunately, my leg, cramp again... I used to have leg cramp.. at the age of 16/17... but forgotten if cramp on the same leg...

But when I immediately touched the muscle when I feel cramped, I can really feel the 'piece of meat' called muscle 'moving', the feeling is so weird... Alright.. don't know what will happen to my muscles tomorrow... I may be crawling into the office...

Will I be the spiderman or the cicakman will depend on my physical condition tomorrow liao~

Anyway, I open up another section below for today to blog down some unhappy stuff also... Recently my heart kept on very tiring, not physical one, but mental and emotional one... Everything turns out not to be good in life, and this situation is worsen by losing the sense of direction in life... My emotion is impacted very easily, and I am at the line of decisions for my principles of life now, either to stick with what I am adapting right now, or swicth to the opposite. Very often, I am so tempted to switch to the opposite and at time already stepping over to the other side of the line, anyway, who will care if my believe system and my characters already changed??

May be due to my past, I felt that my cg leader don't know how to "handle" me when I share something with him, and at times, this feeling is so bad that I am thinking that he may not be interested with what is happening in my life anymore... Is it because I overshare my life to him in the past? Is it because I will be very open to take every initiative to share with him almost anything if something happen in my life? I don't know, but I surely in doubt... If I no longer sharing all these.. who really cares?

Cares and concerns, I thought I have, but none the less, it seems I don't really have... I don't know how much you care, I cannot tell, neither I can tell how much God cares! My heart cannot feel this correctly now... Sometimes just feel like close heart up, and never open it up again..

Someone said to me before: joy is a choice, but this so far still does not applicable to me... If I showing happy face just because of the happy-face-mask that I am wearing, this is still too far away from the joy that I am pursuing...

Short Term Memory

2008-11-22T02:17:00.003+08:00

Recently keep on having short term memory temporary lost syndrome, maybe too old, or because I seldom use my brain nowadays?

But recently always having this experience that day time I got things that I want to blog about but then during night time when I really sit in front of the laptop have no idea to blog anymore... How???

Time flies very quickly, it comes to the second half of November once again... then it will be Dec.. Christmas... New Year... and my father, mother, sisters, friends will all be 1 year older...... But seriously, this year Christmas is not a happy season for many of the people, because of economic crisis, and jobs are shaky nowadays... A lot of people are worrying that they will lost their jobs...

Need to move things faster, really need to build my business up quicker, I cannot wait to see it up soon... Losing my momentum in the workplace very quickly...

When you think you have no value in the workplace, you cannot contribute much, that feeling is very horrible.. If you think you are too needed in the workplace, and you contribute everything, that feeling is very horrible too... But I belong to the first group... In this sense, I feel I very 'dui bu qi' my boss, Meng. I am very gladful that I have a boss like him, and I learnt really a lot from him, and I know it is really out of his heart that he wants to grow everyone reporting to him up to the next level in the career. I meant, if you are working adult, you will know that it is not every time you will have a boss who will spend the time think of a grow career plan for individual personnels under him/her. And my boss got a lot of patience on some of my bad attitutes, of which makes me appreciate him as well...

Initially don't know what to blog, then now like already written quite some words in this blog.. wow... talkative me.. lolz... yes, I am quite talkative if you know me better and off course provided I also know you well enough...

Ah.. suddenly recall what I initially want to blog about today day time... it is about a book I read recently (talking about book again??). Yes. Because I feel that this book has quite a positive influence over my life... At least, during the period when I read about it (I almost finished reading it now), it encourages me to step out in one of the area that I seldom do in the past and indeed, I stepped out. The feeling of the breakthrough, seeing that I myself doing somethings that I never able (or dare?) to do in the past is so good!!! WAH~~, SO GOOD~~~~~~~ HOORAY~~, YES~~, YAHOO~~~~

2008-11-19T00:48:00.002+08:00

My laptop has spoilt since last friday. I guess some hardware board has been spoilt in the system. So inconvenience, now need to borrow my sis's laptop to do my work. Sigh, my budgetting figures, my projects' work and data all are in the laptop, totally cannot access.

From this story: it is very important to do backup.

Sigh.. behind every frustration there is opportunity, opportunity of business...

So tired now, the feeling of eager to get something done yet not able to progress fast and felt like got things dragging me back is so irritating...

Everytime under such state, I will try to slow my heart down, it works for me to stay more peaceful in my heart...

Today while I taking train to the office place, the feeling of wanting to write drama script has come back. Sigh.. there are a lot of things I wish to try, but keep on having the letargy heart that brings me nowhere everyday.. waste of time...

Work, work, work, work........ for survival, for the money for the future days, feel so bounded, when can I break free from it and work for the things that I really like in my inner heart????

No specific topic, just felt like leaving behind some footprint on the net today, so come up with this 'Rojak' blog post, it shows that my mind is in a very complex state right now.. sigh...

Living between the dream and the reality

2008-11-18T01:25:00.002+08:00

Today is an unhappy day for me, leaving behind doubts in my mind regarding myself... Don't want to mention it here

I wonder if there is any other people used to live in a dream-mindset before. I don't know how to describe it exactly, it is like the whole mind is in a state of dreaming, and things around no longer real, and the mind keep on wanting to just stay in the state of dreaming... I have been very long never in such a state, it is a mind condition that I realized I am extremely irrational and may do things without considering the consequences.. So I keep on telling myself, it is already 1pm in the afternoon, time to wake up!!

Recently life has not been too good, though I am keeping to stay joyful and laugh as much as I can. Remembering younger days, when I am not in a good mood, my face will totally tell. There was people use to tell me that my face is so stern until look like want to kill people. Now off course I am much better in wearing a layer of mask onto my face. The surface appeared to be smiling, laughing and happy, though the underlying heart maybe sad.

Frustrated, wish to be able to progress in things that I am doing faster... God, I need a miracle (and if possible, miracleSSSSS) !!!

2008-10-29T00:30:00.003+08:00

It has been a while I've not been blogging anything, even though at times I feel I have a lot to say, may it be funny stuff, boring stuff, exciting stuff, sad stuff or so...

First of all, I am really looking forward that the MRT station that is 50 steps away from my house will quickly complete, it will be much much more convenient to go out for me after this station completed.. By the way, have you seen a mobile bus stop before?? In order for the MRT station construction to carry out, I saw a mobile bus stop at the place where I stay... Mobile because it can be the case where in the morning the bus stop is located at location X, and then in the evening when I was back from work, the bus stop has been moved to 10 steps away, and then 2 days later moved back to location X out of sudden... Actually both bus-stops' shelters are there, but I think the construction worker just hand-carry the bus stand from here to there and there to here, and the bus driver just stop at the bus stop where the bus stand is being hand carried to... So mobile...

2 days ago, my heart is filled with the mindset of being humbled. In the past, I don't quite understand what is meant by humbleness that those pastors are talking about in church, well, not really not understand, but my prior understanding is just very shallow... 2 days ago my mind is thinking about what is meant by humbleness again... I realized being humble is being teachable, being humble is being open and ready to learn, learn in a way that is no objection, that is with full willing heart... I learnt this through contrasting what is pride, for the past X months, my heart is prideful, prideful in the sense that I no longer open, no longer hearing, no longer teachable, no longer willing, but now.. heart is brought down back at least a bit, to a level that is open again I think...

It takes life time to learn how to live better life, and how to be better person. I admit that I have a lot of shortfall in characters, mindset is there for me to think about changing some part of my life... be it successful or not, at least I have tried before. Life is about taking risk, just a matter of whether we risk for the right things or risk for the wrong things.. don't you think so?

2008-08-31T15:33:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday, M'sia!

2008-08-24T02:04:00.002+08:00

凡事留一线, 日后好相见... ...

...

2008-08-20T00:26:00.002+08:00

Today very surprised to receive a phone call from oversea, my hometown.. called by an old secondary good friend. The feeling of receiving old friend's call out of surprise is so good. As time passed by, people tends to forget the old classmates, old buddies, old friends, old colleagues in life, as human's memory normally are not that lasting. We chatted for a while, exchanged for some latest news in life. This phone call brighten my day...

*************************************************************************************

Anyway, though I am not citizen of China, but I would also like to express my personal encouragement to Liu Xiang, the track and field athlete of China who injured and forced to bail out from the 2008 Olympics Games.

I am thinking: Olympics represents the highest level of events for many sports and getting gold in it meant a lot to athletes. If it becomes a life meaning to Liu Xiang to achieve his best in this competition, then how much this incident will impact him is not hard to imagine. Suddenly a long waited dream is broken, and 4 years of hard training and efforts becomes like useless and meaningless... It is a very sad thing to the athlete himself... Anyway, wish him be able to stand up again as meaning of life is still not lost, and he still has chance. Important thing is not to give up or let this incident become a bad influence to achieve the next target in life...

加油, 刘翔!

Haha, suddenly feel like writing all this to the air, as I don't know this athlete.. But anyway, is a sharing and encouragement to my friends who encounter similar type of event in life too...

加油, 朋友们!

I think, I write (which refering to "Unspecific Title" in Chinese)

2008-08-18T21:21:00.003+08:00

Nowadays how to make life not a rotten one has become a questionaire to me day after day... I am very lazy kind of person, though on the surface people tend to think I am hardworking... Hm.. lazy in the sense that depend on my mood of the day, but since my mood always not very good and feel tired easily, I always fall back to the lazy zone...

Sometimes when having too many things that want to achieve can be quite a distracting challenge, especially if each of these things actually are quite big scale and not going to be easy... Recently some ideas flush into my mind, believe it or not, I noticed that the period when I am leaning closer to God is the period when very fresh and new ideas flooded in, and then when I cold down the stream of ideas seems stagnant.

Anyway, Singapore and M'sia this pair of neighbours are both getting its first silver medal in this olympics, one in table-tennis losing to China, and the latter in Badminton also losing to China. China seems so outstanding in this olympics games and some are predicting that it will be the No1 in the medal chart this time. While some may say that it is due to the good training, hosting country etc as the main reason why so.. I am thinking otherwise. Given a country with 1.2 billion population, they have more people to choose among, and since that, environment becomes very competitve and competition under the healthy way and environment produces results... Imagine that 10 people compete for 1 candidacy and 1000000000 people compete for 1 candidacy, which will tend to let the organizer finding the better performing person? And on the opposite site, given 10 people are compete for 1 chance and 10000000000 people competing for 1 chance, people from which scenario will tend to be more concern whether they can get it and hence put in more effort???

I heard someone mentioned that 21st century is the people's century. Whoever contain the most resources in this area will win the race. To some extend it is true. But there are also other conditions that need to co-exists in order to bring out the positive effect of such a resource. Think about many of the african countries that are still struggling with poverty then should understand what I am refering to now...

My character...

2008-08-13T23:21:00.003+08:00

These few days don't have inspiration to blog much stuff...

Anyway, sometimes when people has lost its momentum on something, some people refered it as "fire" , it is sometimes very hard to gain it back... But thank God, I believe I am gaining back the 'fire' day by day on things that I have lost momentum to previously...

Finally have had a chance to meet Jordan again.. It has been so long until I've forgotten how he is like. But basically he does not change much, still very steady person, easily gain trust type of personality. By the way, I tend to get closer to this type of people more, maybe because they give me impression that they are trustworthy friends ba.. then off course trustworthy friends are nice to have and never have enough, however, also need to be careful to think that everyone is a trustworthy friends...

I was a very clear boundary person since young, in the past, my world only have black and white. Right means right, wrong is wrong... And I am quite direct person to pinpoint the black items, without mercy (as I was monitor of class, prefect of schools). To me, truth and justice are top priority. I would not hesitate to sacrifice the friendship if I need to maintain 'justice'.. wow... and because I was very direct to do it, and thought that punishment is the only way to stop all these black stuff and so always taking such an approach or taking actions lead to such an outcome to others people in the 'black' region, so off course end result is I am not a very welcome person to most people.

This character does not change much up to the uni days, or even up to 3 months ago. But very amazing things happen to me in the past 1~2 months...

My mindset suddenly start to change. I start to understand the importance of human interaction skill. I start to think that it is a must-have skill in life. I suddenly start having the interest to work with all sort of people. My believe shifted from "It is worthy to work with this people, it is not worthy to work that that person" to now "it is worthy to work with different people with different ways"... Does not mean I agree with the ways of some people doing things, but at least I am no longer want to deal with them using the harsh way or hard way, of which I was doing in the past, even few months back I still behave the harsh way to some people.

All this change just take place, comes by suddenly. Thank God to place me in this workplace, this is definately a training ground for human-human interaction. But more, I thank God to place a mindset of change into me to live towards to the new mindset of which to want to work with different people, even with those that I may not agree their ways of handling stuff...

Hm.. is this called maturing???? Should I celebrate???

Happy birthday, Singapore, leads to, "A Thought of my Own Country"

2008-08-10T21:42:00.006+08:00

Today while attending the service, we were flaging the flag of Singapore and sang the song "Stand up, Singapore" together as to celebrate the national day of singapore. While it is nice to see all the red colours waving around in the auditorium, the ironic thing is in my so many years of my days that I aware of, I've never wave the flag of my own country like this before...

Off course, I am still Malaysian though some of my friends always tease me saying that I've become Singaporean. But Singapore is a very special country to me and somehow I have a unique linkage with this island state.

First of all, my mother is a Singaporean, and all my uncles, aunties, maternal grandparents are all from Singapore. Hence from my younger days, I already visited this beautiful country quite often. Maybe at least once every 1~2 years, and so places like Sentosa, Tampines, Changi Airport, Bedok Food Hawker Centre, Chinese Garden, City Hall Station and things like MRT, 'Gao Shiao Xing Dong' by Jack Neo, Channel 8 etc etc are not unfamiliar to me.

2ndly, it is the uni here that recognizes the cert that I am holding and offer me an opportunity to study here. This is a very very sad point to mention, my own country is not even recognizing this certificate, but yet Singapore's uni are offering a few hundreds of places to students holding this cert in my country every year...

My country ah, it is time not to confine yourself within the racial boundary, but to focus on building a nationality identity, only then we will grow healthier as one in this glabalization trend.
Why are we still debating over the pie share or quota while the real challenge should be increasing the pie size together?

Politicians, it is time stop playing around with foolish words that only meant to expose the lack of wisdom of oneself. Nobody has the right to create chaos through his/her foolish act in this beautiful country, as this is not your own personal platform, this is a country belong to all people in Malaysia. Focus on the right things, take care of your people, who have entrusted you to govern the country through their votes...

Too many things to say, too few words to express, lest it become an action to touch on the "sensitive issue"...

Anyway, while Singapore is 43 this year, my country should be celebrating its 51 years old this month. Happy birthday to my own country!

Office Moving...

2008-08-06T23:01:00.008+08:00

This week my office is moved from one floor to another, from bigger to smaller room, from lower density to higher density seating arrangement, from dimmer to brighter place, because my company is expanding its operation.

Because too many people are impacted, this move is done in batches of stuff, of which we are the first batch. To wait for the area to be setup, on Monday basically we did nothing and just stand aside, watching at the people to setup the place. We are so bored that we are taking out our camera phone and capcha capcha here and there. I were regret not bringing monopoly set to go and play to spend the time there (what will my boss think about me if he happen to read this post...)

Anyway, since it is a photo-taking day, I decided to take the chance to take some photos with my friends too...

Took photo with Jeff, you see him so relax sitting on the sofa...

Taken with my great buddy in the workplace, Kar Wei

Seeing us taking photo so shiok, Yew Hun also want to join in

Mentioning about Yew Hun, he is from Penang. One thing very strange to me, I have quite a positive impression on people I know from Penang so far. Not sure if it is co-incident, I found the few friends I know who are from Penang are quite soft and gentle person, of whom leave me a positive impression on them... Off course, maybe I was influenced by the closer friend of my uni days, Jordan, who is also from Penang.

How come my buddy is in the same workplace as me? It is a friendship built in the workplace, not sure exactly how this friendship is being built up, just remembered that there were a period of time I always complain to him regarding the people, unfairness, frustration in the workplace. But Kar Wei is quite a Mr nice guy. He is so nice that many people thought he has no temper. I believe not many people have a chance to see the moment that he actually frustrated over things in the workplace, though I did encounter once or twice before. He gives people an impression of a very trustworthy, responsible kind of impression. Just today, while he was away for the sentosa workshop, his boss actually panic over lacking of some important data that need to submit to the top management, he came back to the office purposefully after office hour just to get back the data. I am thinking, he actually is a very stable person who handle things very thoroughly. He is the few who can really make people feel secured to entrust him important tasks. It is like if he is around for the things, no need to panic liao... Compared to some others, sigh.. don't want to mention how some others handle things lar...

Looking at my face, the shape, the size... sigh... I really really really really really need to lose away some weights, though I am still smiling in the photos..... I will be more and more afraid taking more photos in the future if the growth of my shape is still maintained in the same speed in the near future, not only it hold up more resources of the earth in my body, worse is it is not nice to have this shape... sigh~~

Peace... how important it is!!

2008-08-03T04:24:00.001+08:00

Today have been waken up very late because was slept very late last night. Again, I would like to stress that I am a night cat kind of person, my boss commented on me that it may because I like the peace at night.. not sure how true about this comment...

Something happen totally spoilt my mood to the negative side for the day, because it injects in some very irritating thoughts and emotions into me, I felt very troubled, unhappy in my heart. But this is an incident happen in the radius that I felt I not able to separate myself away or I'll risk losing something very important in life, that may make me regret for a life time... I am very confused, and don't know how to handle.

Today I just felt like getting away from my house, far far away, just nice today will attend the Festival of Praise 2008, so with this kind of emotions and mind state, I have left my house and head to SIS for Festival of Praise today. Met Peng huat, Julius and Asher at Tiong Bahru before heading to SIS... ah, good thing all of them are friends that I'm closer to in the cell group, that I can chat and talk with 'joyfully', else I may have been very quiet today. But overall, also because of them around talking to me today, I feel better before heading to SIS.

...

Sidetrack a bit, I want take this chance to thank the friend whom have met me at the west and travel together to Tiong Bahru today for fellowshipping with me along the way and distract me away for awhile from my unhappy thought. You know who you are. Anyway, term is starting real soon, "jia you" lor, hardworking man!!! You really impress me with your hardworking (at least the surface look like one), and even more, is the fact that you have taken a step to pursue a higher step in life after working in the commercial world for a while. Not everyone can, or will do so. I always have respect for these friends who do so. But, please, please don't be overly humble, aim for the first class honour, ok? Jia You Jia You! Gambade!

Hey, all my friends who study in NTU who happen to pass by, terms are starting in 28 hours later, Jia You to you all, and all the best for your term.

...

I finally reached the legendary Festival of Praise 2008 at around 6pm. With the passionate in God's people, the Q is so long outside the stadium even before the door is open...

Overall, the event is great. The sermon preached by Rev Mark Connel is great... The song is great... but I lack of the peace in heart. My thought is switching very quickly from 1 thought to another, thinking from 1 thing to the other... I stayed in a state that is very difficult to focus. I felt like leaving the event right after the 1st or 2nd song. I don't feel like continue to stay in the event for long... But how can I left the event halfway like that? How can I let the emotions just take me away from church event again like this? I decided to stick on...

Amazingly time passed very quickly. The event has come to an end for tonight, but still things troubling me still remain as very troublesome. I have no solution, I have no direction. Peace of God is not in me tonight.. I meant peace of God is in me, that I still can stay calm, I am not screaming, yelling, thank God for that, but, I need that extra-ordinary abundance of the peace of God that poured upon me before few months back, the peace that is so great and overflowing that everything else is just so insignificant and miniature, knowing every problems and issues is just a peanut in the eyes of God, but this level of peace is not inside of me tonight...

It is very very consuming at times to continously just to believe in God with faith, without knowing how things will turn out, in a period of time of darkness. When the period grow longer, the consumption inside become harder and harder to take on... But I learnt this directly or indirectly from my Pastor (Tan), that having faith (is not merely for the sake of saying that we are having faith in God, but) is to believe that God's character is good ALL the time. I no longer ask myself "Can I continue to have faith in God?", the new question I ask now is "Can I continue to believe that God's character is good ALL the time?". The switch of the question to ask myself has helped me stay slightly stronger in my down time...

"Can I continue to believe that God's character is good ALL the time?" - Yes, I still believe it

2008-07-31T17:08:00.000+08:00

2 months never blog.. instead of diary that I wrote daily, it become a bi-monthly post or magazine article like that liao~...

Few weeks back attended a "Value in Action" workshop organized by Focus Adventure Centre in Sentosa... Learnt a lot... Also know alot... Before I forgot I would like to blog it down...

But the very first thing that I learn is: Wow.. my company is really so multi-national, I am wondering exactly how many people are really from Singapore itself. But would like to take this chance to introduce my 'buddy' in my office who attended this workshop same day as me -- James.. How come I got a buddy in office? So good that my buddy is in the same office as I do?? Sigh... this buddy is a new found buddy who've been of great help to me when my superior is away from office last 2 months... I am temporary taking over James's original leader's position, but I always have been "worked closely" with him to handle all sort of funny problems happen (haha... worked closely = I asked him to handle the issue and report back to me after that, oops...). But to be honest, he has helped me a lot in understanding the operation of the team that he is assisting the previous leader in... There was a period of time when we worked so busily until lunch can only take with him because the rest have been all taken lunch earlier on liao, and go home together because................. he is driving and I take a ride in it.. hahaha... But still, my thanks to him here...

My 'buddy' James in office, so much thanks to him. You see him so happy!!

But actually initially I am quite resist going to this workshop, maybe have been a while not really socialize in a big group of 30+ new people le ba, also it is not my capability to interact with a large crowd at the same time effectively... I prefer a small group interaction, and only through such a way I am able to know the people better, and built a better bond with them...

Group Photo of the Day

The money coin game, our gentlemen are surrounding the precious ladies to avoid other group come and steal them away

Man Over boat

In the morning, it is a photo hunting.. Given a group of 7 people inclusive of myself, trying to work with my team mates to search through the photo. But I think not everybody in the team actually enjoy this activity under e hot sun... But the good thing is that with this activity got some chance to talk a bit with one another in a smaller group. One thing i would like to complain: some of the photos are not updated, some items in the photos even been tore down already... no wonder we cannot find all the words that I supposed to search, and we lose lor... (haha, giving excuses liao~~)

In the evening is a session that really let me learn something deep, both as group and individual I think. Physically still not very demanding, and the activity is fun, and filled with lessons... Trust fall, giant seesaw (I mis-called it giant 'jigsaw' when I first saw it, good thing is nobody heard it, thank God thank God...), then was the team skiing, and later on mat-flipping, and finally is the obstacle wall.

Trust fall is the activity that really test the trust that the individual have upon others on the day. Though the instructor didn't comment much, but through it I can see who trust others more while some may not easy to put trust upon others fellow course mate.

Can you trust me? I am looking at something more interesting...

Then from giant seesaw I can see who like to join in "discussion" of which actually cause the puzzle even harder to achieve. With a group of 18 people, all of us are supposed to be on the seesaw and adjust ourselves such that the seesaw maintain horizontal level parallel to the ground. Initially too many people giving instructions to others, people hard to cope with so many instructions and we fail the task. Then with the reminder of the instructor, we appoint one leader to give instructions, we DID IT!!! And we manage to maintain the balance for 5 minutes 40+ seconds, the records for teams from my company is 7 minutes.. not bad I think... But some of my group mates' has accidentally chosen a bad pos, hence suffer for that 5 minutes+...

Did you notice the guy in the extreme left? Yes, he need to maintain that pos for 5 minutes 40 seconds; I like my pos better, haha...

You see how nice.. not my hairstyle lar.. just I smile nicely to enjoy that 5 min 40 seconds on the see saw.. compared to the poor guy above, I can only said: "poor guy..!"

The 3rd activity is the team skiing.. We are supposed to skii on 3 long skii, go for a distance and then pick up all the colour balls except the yellow balls on the floor and travel back to the starting point and put the ball back to the net behind us. Any part of the body, ski, rope that touches the yellow ball on the floor will need to carry back the ski to the starting point. I like this activity because I really learnt something here. I think we have not clearly heard the instructions of the instructors, and with the boundary mindset, we turn this to be a competition, but in fact instructor wants to test whether we have clearly heard the instructions of the game to work as big group still in 3 small teams to pick up all the colour balls back... The yellow ball represents an obstacle at first because we need to avoid it at all cost, so that we will not need to be back to starting point and start from there again. However, we missed the point to turn this rule to be an opportunity at the 2nd half of the game when all teams have collected all balls on the floor and start to travel back. By then the quickest way to travel back is really just touching the yellow ball, then we don't need to ski back, but just hand carry the skii back... Turn obstacles to opportunities is the lesson.

Suddenly all men are out of shape with varies protrusions on the body, because all the balls are inside the polo lar...

Later on the map flipping is another game that want us to learn to be as 1, not to be separated. "How many departments do we have in the company?" The instructor asked, some answered "37 departments", but why not it is just "1 company" instead of "37 departments"? I am thinking the church at this point, I am wondering how many people may have said that "he is from zone Z, I am from zone V" or "he is from cg b and I am from cg f", or have asked something like "which zone are you from?", "how many cell group do you have right now?", "how many zones do you have right now?", and I am wondering what will be the answer, will it be 4 english services, 1 chinese service, 1 dialect service etc etc or 1 church? Is it hundreds of cell groups or 1 church? Is it many zones or just 1 church?

Even go broader, how many churches do we have right now in Singapore? Will I answered " many churches, or just 1 God's kingdom?"...

We have another game that we as team need to help each other climb over a high wall that is about 2.5 men's height high. I have a very stylish way of climbing it..

Yes, it is me.. don't suspect... Looking at this photo, I feel like I am a 'da xia' with a very good 'qing gong' kicking up myself to climb over it... but wasted I don't know 'qing gong', so those course mates trying to calm me down and pull me up into the supporting behind the wall, and hey kids: warning: this is under special supervision and training, kids shall not try this yourself..

At the end of the workshop, the instructor let's watch back the video that they took on the day, and even sang an oldie (which I forgotten the name). What a good day of spending there, but it comes with a price of full physical tiredness lar... the end result? I take a day off from office the next day... haha

童年颂

2008-07-31T00:15:00.003+08:00

昨晚当我想对我的ipod重新培养感情的时候，突然想起了大马的一支相当久远之前的团体，“山脚下男孩”。突然想听他们的一首歌，歌名已经不记得了（不过在 googling 一番之后，原来那首歌叫做<<童年颂>> ）

听着这首取材自马来歌谣的老歌，突然心中有种异样，突然有点怀念祖国来了，那可爱的风土人情...

在仔细寻找之后，才知道原来“山脚下男孩”是一个七人团体，看着他们的老照片，耳边旋着<<童年颂>>这首歌，心中对岁月产生了一种怀念，不是特别怀念任何人，只是缅怀过去小时候的那种心境，那种单纯，直接的心情，那段青涩的岁月...

我想，这“山脚下男孩” 现在应该已经是 “山脚下男人” 或甚至是 “山脚下老爸” 了吧？不过，真羡慕他们。他们共同创作了这些歌（他们的另一首代表作是 <<月亮圆>>），也共同分享了彼此那段追逐音乐梦想的岁月，或许很短暂，可是却是很宝贵的回忆，毕竟与志同道合的朋友一起去追逐大家共同的梦想，那是一种非常宝贵的经历，也不是每个人可以拥有的经历

不过，在我搜寻的过程中，看到这个部落格，相当特别，部落格的主人我并不认识，不过他的主页设计置顶的这句 “人说，蓝色是属于忧郁。我不否认，也不完全苟同。因为蓝蓝深海下，是生气勃勃的无穷生命。” 吸引了我的注意。很久没有特别留意别人的写作了，不过却欣赏特别的华文写作作风。如果你的华文程度不错，或者对华文感兴趣，不妨去浏览浏览这个部落格：蓝色文字园林

宗翰，如果你恰巧路过我这，或者过去看看。我看着他所写的，就想起你来了。不是因为你的作风与他一样，而是因为你也是写作作风相当特别的家伙... ... （回头再看自己的文笔，已经是不行的了...)

哇，将近凌晨一点，我的睡眠大计又泡汤了... 暂时封笔...

2008-05-17T22:33:00.003+08:00

Remember few years ago, during Christmas season, an earthquake-caused Tsunami sweeped across a few countries and resulting hundred-thousands of people lose their lifes and much more loses their home..

Year 2008 marks another year of heavy disasters, the tornado in Myanmar and Earthquake in China, happen within few weeks time frame.

Everytime reading the newspapers seeing reports and photos showing the coarpses of small little children found in the area, it struck my heart... One photo showing that the bodies of the kids stacked one another, another one showing that the hands of the kid who dies still holding a ball-point pen in her small little hand... I am thinking, the earthquake happens so suddenly, that those kids were still happily enjoying their lessons, writing their homeworks, when this earthquake come and everything changed...

Many school buildings collapsed, reports saying that many of these buildings can just saw the cement, but cannot find any supporting steel in the cement, the chinese newspapers called them "Toufu buildings"

Because of the constructors trying to save money, earn more money, resulting all these small little kids died!! Can their conscience feel peace?

May God bless China and Myanmar's people, especially those hurted or impacted by the disasters...

好久好久了。。。

2008-05-14T02:06:00.005+08:00

很久很久没有在网上留下我的点滴了，近来发生了很多事情，也整理了一些思绪。。。

在不久前，我渐渐对一些事物有了另一种的看法和体会。总结来说，我必须感谢这位朋友，因为他让我知道人与人之间的关系不是必然的，他也让我认清世上没有一件事情是必然的。从前我天真的以为，人与人之间的关系是很简单的formula，只要你对人好，别人也必会对你一样好；只要你让一步，别人也必会敬你一尺。但是透过这位朋友，我渐渐认知到这个方程式也不是必然的：人与人之间的对待，并没有天坪的存在，也从来没有公平或不公平的尺度。

我最喜爱的知名作家刘墉曾经写过一段类似的话：你的贵人并不一定是你的朋友，相反的，你的敌人也有可能成为你的贵人，只要他让你发奋图强，只要他间接或直接的推动你，他就是你的贵人。

我知道，我必须承认这位朋友是我的贵人，因为他让我有了另一种的认知，常常当我觉得别人愧对我，亏欠我些什么的时候，我就会用我在他身上所经历的事件来提醒自己:人与人之间的关系并不是绝对的，更何况是区区的友请。在这一点上，我想我还是要感激他。

好，关于这就写到这里.

近来公司发生了不少事情，让我倍感压力。第一是我上司需要请长假来进行手术和修养，在他不在公司的期间，他委派我来暂时执行他的工作；第二是我上司的另一得力助手已经辞职了，她所领导的那一组人我需要暂时看着。

突然觉得自己在孤身作战，感觉很复杂，那是一种寂寞, 那是一种孤单。突然让我领导这么多人，绝对是一个挑战，加上这个工作绝对是一个吃力不讨好的工作，如果要维护内部自己所领导的人，就需要做好准备随时和其他人磨擦，随时准备得罪其他人；不然，就可能是内部的人的利益会受到损坏。。。

另一方面，与翰聊天后，我发现我的压力也来自自己心里还没有准备这责任，加上我需要更多地直接和上上上司接触，我对于自己在上上上司面前表现的要求也加重了自己的心理压力，真感激翰在我最有压力的那天和我聊了一阵，让我心理压力得到一些抒发。。。。。。

hey, 朋友，知道你的功课很忙，虽然实际的地理距离使我无法更有效的帮到你些什么，不过，加油了，论文上我是不能帮你写的，不然对你是完全没有好处，我必须顾及你的堂堂正正去爬上这座比我现在站着的山更高的那座硕士山，哈哈。

仅以这要鼓励你的话语来结束这篇部落格Posting：只要你可以坚持，你是可以成功完成你的论文的！加油！！！

已经三点了，差不多该睡了。

Blog Revived

2008-04-12T17:49:00.002+08:00

Time has passed by amazingly fast, it has been almost 2 months that I've never blog a single post... Am I very busy? Yes and no lar...

There are a lot of things that I want to do, I am interested to do, I dream of doing, but it is exactly because there are too many things that I want to do, they cancel out each other's attractions and I move slowly in each...

Recently I experienced a lot of occasion whereby I gain a lot of momentum in progressing in certain things, but then need to switch mode to handle some other things at the same time, and this cause me frustrated. I am more and more believe myself as a person who are suited to be very focus, not very suited to be multi-tasking. Anyway, I am not an Intel processor or an AMD processor, multi-tasking is not my attribute...

There are too many topics to blog on, but exactly because too many things to write down, I don't know what to write... Hm... I think I will write it out in my subsequent post... Heehee~~

Thank you the hearer to the voice of my heart

2008-02-13T02:01:00.000+08:00

First of all, my many thanks to the one who have heard the "voice of thrown out from my heart" here... I personally do agree with some of your points, though I am not sure if that matches the teaching of the bible...

By the way, I want to share something with you purposefully here. But before that, I would like to thank God about this. I don't know how to describe exactly, but some days ago, if I am not wrong, it should be since last last sunday/monday, my heart is filled with peace. It is something very special, it really helps to calm down my emotions, and more than that, it helps me to stay happy and joyful especially when interacting with people. This peace continuously fills me up to tonight, up to this moment.

I know I believe this is the peace of God, and I realize that when the peace of God is in me, any other bad things will become not important, and past hurts and disappointments and angers are just nothing, I meant as if they are so tiny until totally insignificant. It was under such condition I've put down my disappointments on that incident and decided to lift up the friend to God's lead, not because I no longer treat him as friend, but I just turn from active to passive in terms of my initiative. If he needs help and approach me, I will still try to help.. But maybe the sacrificial level will drop, the amount of time will drop, I am not sure, but the thing I am sure about is I will do some adjustment myself towards this friend...

Anyway, it has been a very long while I never posted any entry here, tonight while waiting for something to be done, I decided to spend some time to blog some recent event..

Chinese New Year has entered into its 7 days, today is called the "human being day" in the traditional chinese culture. By the way, up to today, the excitement of the chinese new year has almost totally faded away and life has settling down back to normal...

Today very tired, especially my eyes.. it keeps on turning red at night and feel like closing eye-lids all the time. Maybe need to be spend some time really away from screens, or is it because I played too much Mahjong past 1 week??

Hope my eyes will refreshed to its best condition soon...

2008-02-01T23:17:00.001+08:00

It has been about a week since my last blog...

A few events happen for this week. But I am glad that my good buddy in the workplace now decided to stay after my company counter-offered him some terms that I don't know about the details. And he is now applying for master course in NTU, wish his application to be successful.

This past 1 week has been in a spin-around thought for my own efforts I place in the friendships and relationships I am/was building. I think this is the continuous effect from last week incident that I found myself being cheated, causing me to re-think the value of my trust placing on people. But more importantly, it causes me to think again questions like "is it worth to put in efforts for my friends at all? Will it go in vain again one day? Will my friends appreciate these efforts that I am putting in, or they will just treat that as nothing???"

Recently I thought I have a slight breakthrough in the cell group that I am more hanging around with the cell group, or rather, I start to feel interested to hang around more and fellowship more with the cell group members, then the news about the connect groups comes out, and I felt very sian liao for fellowshiping in the cell group... Just 1 arrangement already almost totally spoilt my interest in the cg fellowship... I think my unhappiness is of 2 fold... If my cell group leader ever observed slightly closely on me in the cell group, he would have known I am closer to whom in the cg and don't need to ask me. And I also have a strong feeling of my previous efforts that I put into fellowshipping with the few comparative closer friends that I currently have in the cell group is in vain or will be in vain again, right after last week incident, this feeling is much stronger and impacting me in a deeper level... I am sinking into the passive side, and this passiveness cause me feel like staying alone again from church and cell group... I think now even if my cell group leader will do any amendment I will still feel very sian to hanging around with the cg already...

Really a very sian week......

2008-01-25T21:14:00.000+08:00

Hmm...... got cheated...

I was disappointed today, after finding myself being cheated purposefully, by someone whom I regard as friend, by someone whom I consistantly show my care on...

Emotion is a mixture now, feel like sad, with a bit pain, and mixed with anger... I felt very disappointed, I just felt everything I have done in this friendship is in vain... again!

Did I ever look down at this friend before ?? Have I restraint my friendship from this friend after this friend has disappeared all of a sudden and then popped up again suddenly?

I am naive? I am gullable? I am fun to play at on serious moment like this? No!! Because I trust your word on your answer to me! Because I care for your future that I still purposefully give you a call during midst of my work, just to know how you are and is everything still ok with you. I've asked you again whether this is just a joke during my call, you have chance to clarify that it is just a joke, but you didn't...

Trust is a very hard thing to build on, once we misuse it, we lose it, and we may never get it back ever again.. It is a sign of character, it is a label of integrity, it is a quality of our word...

I am speechless, I don't want to go for the extreme to say anything that is hurting

2008-01-24T21:42:00.000+08:00

Today was having a long boring meeting at the office place, the sharing of vision by boss is not very exciting one, don't know why, maybe he already exhausted by the issues happen for the past 1 week ba.

Anyway, still busy with the personal projects at hand. Become more and more excited nowadays to see the project progressing as there will be fruits and outcome, something visible that will be come out soon. This project has been consuming about half a year as of this time, and finally the version 1.0 will be coming out soon.

May need to travel away from Singapore to the western side of the earth for a while after this project has been completed and reaches certain milestone. But I'm in need a good web designer now, to give the system a nice looking "clothes".

O-lvl results has been out today, it reminds me how I feel and become nervous on the day when my result is released. A bit miss this kind of torturing feeling, haha, I meant I a bit missing those study days only lar...

2008-01-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

Today after waking up, mood quite good, last until evening hours. Maybe because my overall progress on my project is smooth and also faster than what I expected.

Thanks to all the friends that I talked to or looked for recently that have helped me de-stress. Though this is not over yet, but slightly better now compared to last period of time. Appreciate for your time and availability for this period of time. Also those who care enough to show your care and concern to me.

I need to back to my project work already. Blog again next time.

2008-01-22T19:31:00.000+08:00

Today I woke up quite early in the morning, 5am+ already awake. Cannot sleep back, after trying 1,2,3, still cannot sleep, decided to wake up and go to office place early.

Wah, but in office my boss today quite stern, the whole atmosphere very tense, until I don't dare to laugh loud loud (oh ya, I normally just don't care and laugh loud loud even at office place when talking jokes with colleagues). Haha...

Recently different contact group is organizing different eating session, this saturday got a buffet lunch with colleagues, saturday night then go for BBQ in NUS, then next week plan to have a dinner session with my buddy in office place before he back to KL with his wife for CNY, then next friday another colleague is asking for another BBQ session, with so many eating session going on, I afraid I cannot lose weight... Haha, think need to move more, walk more, exercise more and eat less on other days to offset those energy level.

When the thin Jimmy will be back???

2008-01-21T20:54:00.000+08:00

Money is something that everyone need to stay on this earth. But some of us go for the extra miles, so much extra to get more money. To those people, money has crossed the boundary of need to become a want to them.

Today I am thinking what is money? Obviously, money is the currency paper that we hold in hands, and coins that we hold in hands to exchange for materials or services that we like. So, obviously also I am not refering to this. I am just thinking what is the meaning for money...

My pastor taught me that money represents our life. We spent some of our time (varies depending on individual) to work in exchange of money to maintain our living expenses. So the money actually represents our life, because we are using our time and life to get it, and so where we spend it really represents what treasure in. But my blog today is not gonna discuss about this further either.

Actually I am just thinking, do I like money? What is the purpose for me to earn money? There is a reason why I ask myself these questions. I am like keep on trying various means and ways to earn more money, I think since 5 years ago. But my purpose is to want to keep myself from being tied down to unlimited working lifestyle. To some people, it is called retiring plan? But to me, I don't think there is a clear cut meaning for retirement.. What is retirement? Don't need to work is called retirement? Then stay at home at all time to do what? Won't it be so dull and boring life?

To me, I think retirement means an affordable lifestyle that is free from doing something that I don't really life. So if I like to work (workaholic??), then even I am working I can say that I have retired... But no lar, I am not workaholic.. I am quite lazy person, but I like to build up things, so the next thing I want to try is to building up business... The process is a very fun process, but the risk involved may not be fun at all, so be smart lar...

What am I trying to say today then? The big direction for my financial plan now is still to build up passive income sources, so that I can enter into retirement mode, i.e. a life mode that I am free to do things that I really enjoy...

Hm.... my friends who read this post, I am quite unique in my opinion to financial, neither am I very generous nor am I very money-minded, know me more then you know better on how I see this issue. Hee hee~~

2008-01-20T17:58:00.000+08:00

Today I slept until 2.30pm, wow...

Saw clara kept on calling me, felt paiseh didn't pick up her phone. But I thank her for being initiated to try to give me a call when I was absence from the cg and service. This is a concern and care that christians have...

Went to watched the cg members playing badminton today in the afternoon, I myself have long time didn't play it liao, so didn't really dare to pick up the racket to play, who knows maybe cannot have a single hit?

But I was quite surprised to see so many people joining, this cell group is really very very very different in a positive way from those that I attended previously.

Finally have the chance to hear peng huat to sing, sing quite well. Previously only heard that he is one of the k-box kings in the cell group, today really is ears-openning. But it stir up a bit my interest to learn guitar again. At least when I were there hearing the guitar and singing, I felt relaxed from my stress life recently.

2008-01-19T01:46:00.001+08:00

These days a bit stressed up, because there is something that I have been expecting myself to progress fast, but internally keep on not having enough momentum to rush...

Under such condition, feel even more xian about daily working life, how to breakthrough?

Stress means I am like wanted to eat more, really have to be cautious about this, so that weight won't explode... remind myself...

2008-01-17T20:18:00.000+08:00

Today I am having headache, and my eyes are like very hard to open, very tired...

After a long period, finally manage to find my good buddy in the workplace to take a dinner together and talk later tonight... Haha.

But he really need blessing, as his workload is piled up so high, and everybody seems to want to have a stake from him in the workplace...

I am waiting for his invitation to his wedding in KL end of this year, but still in dilemma whether should go as if only I go myself, will be boring there; but if I don't go, it is his big day and it is really not good to miss it, since I call him my good buddy~~....

Headache!!!

Relax..

2008-01-16T21:25:00.000+08:00

Today was quite relax on my way to office, don't know why... maybe because my progress last night is much better than what I initially thought off ba...

Anyway, relax mindset transform into funny ideas. Today along my way to office, the mind keeps on coming out with funny ideas, haha.. think will apply them on the respective adequite areas...

Having a chat with one of my colleagues. We chat about backpack travelling. It ignites my thought for backpack travelling again, it has been something in my mind to want to try for backpack travelling since university days, think should seek for a chance to realize this thought!

Need to enter into financial control, as there will be some events and outing coming into place for the next few weeks... Yeah, dinner time has come...

Tiring now anyway...

Politics

2008-01-15T20:10:00.000+08:00

Recently have been quite concern about the politics development in Taiwan and my own country Malaysia. There is rumours saying that Malaysia is going to have national and states election soon during the school holidays in March.

Taiwan election for parliment has just over, I think the result is not surprising. Now everybody is looking forward to the result of the presidential election that will fall in March 22. But honestly speaking, I think Chen Sui Bian has not been doing a good job, at least in terms of impression. While he is so focus to talk about the foreign affair for Taiwan, he really has neglected the internal needs of his own people, it is a mess up of priority I think.

Back to the election of my beloved country - Malaysia. Recently there are a lot of things happen in the country, that will impact and introduce uncertainty to the election outcome. So I am quite curious and looking forward to the election day to see the outcome. Given BN already have string parliment for so long, I think it will be good if the opposition can get more seats this time, so that they can balance out the power of the BN and really monitor the performance of BN as government.

By the way, I have not registered myself for my election right yet, arg... must remember to do so in my next return to my hometown...

Reading Time...

2008-01-14T22:46:00.000+08:00

It has been a while I never really sit down and read a book, maybe for a quarter or even half a year...

Recently have purchased some books, written by my favourite Taiwanese author called Liu Yong. His popular series point out the cunning sides about human society, and the various interaction techniques in the society.

Tonight, read this book, of which co-written by Liu Yong and his son Liu Xuan, it is about communication. The very special things about this father and son author is that they like to use examples in our daily lifes, or those small stories from the newspaper / societies to bring out the points they are trying to highlight.

I read this book before, back at that point of times, it helps me a bit in changing my way of talking to people. But after all these years, I have forgotten most part of it, and I think it is time to read it again, to smoothen my outward way of communicating myself to people. Wish me successful!

If you read chinese book also, I highly recommended this book. Even if this book does not help you in your communication, it is a very interesting book to read on, for those small stories that are being put in the book. I like to read their small stories also actually.

Suddenly have a funny thought - Why not we set a communication day, whereby this day is for us to remember the importance of communication, dialogue and conversation. The slogan can be something like "Use communication to replace war in the world, use communication to replace protest in the country, use communication to replace punishment in the family"...

Ok, since I am the one who raised this, I shall declare today 14 Jan as the communication day. Haha, just nice, 1 month later will be valentine's day / friendship day!

My Favourite Comic / Cartoon Series

2008-01-13T18:19:00.000+08:00

Today I received a gift that my sis bought for me from her trip to Hong Kong, it is my favourite japanese comic series - Detective Conan - 10th anniversary special movie that is casted with real people

Who will be the 工藤新一? He is 小粟旬, he also casted a role as a student in the japanese drama series GTO. He is the one being bullied by 3 female classmates.

Haven't watched, no time yet, but is so great to receive this gift.. yeah...

Life will be busy and tight for coming few weeks, it will definately a challenge to my physical strength.

随笔的开始

2008-01-13T09:04:00.000+08:00

我认为，音乐的韵律，文章的内容，棋的布局，画的勾勒往往都在抒发作者的内心情况

我是一个很喜欢写作但却也不太懂得写作的人，曾经想过创作戏剧的剧本或小说，投身文艺界，却迟迟没有付诸行动

不过如今，我想我又需要藉着文章来疏导内心世界的阵阵无奈

人生的舞台有着太多的无奈了，真的觉得有点负荷不了

快乐是什么？这问题太难了

Impressive!!!!

2008-01-12T21:58:00.000+08:00

Today watched the full trailer by Ee Horng for the 2007 Thanksgiving CG, wow, impressively professional.

Hey Julius, if you happen pass by viewing this post, my salute to your skill, you totally opening up my eyes!! You really rocks man!!!

P/S: For those who are interested to take a look, you may visit his post dated Friday, December 28, 2007 at his blog blog archieve at:

http://channelmii.blogspot.com/2007_12_01_archive.html

Shopping Spree

2008-01-11T22:05:00.000+08:00

Just collected the t-shirt that I bought few days ago...

Few days ago went for shopping, to prepare clothes for the new year that is coming....

Only then realized and understood why girls like shopping so much, there is a very pleasurable feeling when spending money, especially when there is NO LIMIT on how much can be spent, i.e. buying without need to even glimpse on the price tag.. that is cool, though it is "a bit" dangerous of overspending...

But when I were shopping that day, I basically did not have a concrete budget, so it is like don't need to see the price tag that much to buy stuff, so got the chance to feel that pleasurable feeling for shopping... I think first for life time on clothing... Haha~~

Need of Interaction

2008-01-10T21:48:00.001+08:00

Just had dinner and fellowship session with an old chc friend, who now already join another church

Just before we ended our conversation, I suddenly come up with this thought - the need of interaction -

Yes, wanting to interact with other ppl is a need for many people, anyway, human being is a community species, human need friends around to talk to, interact to...

I used to spend a lot of time with myself, someone call it self-isolation.. Some of my closer friends will know this very very well. To certain extend, this is true, I will isolate myself from friends from time to time, to stay alone in the quiet place, especially if the group consists of quite a number of new faces that I don't know, but I think the addiction of such isolation need to be broken in this year...

Need to be more socializable, befriend to people so people will be friends of mine... I think it'll be a good goal.. yeah~~~ celebrate it!!!

2008-01-10T15:45:00.000+08:00

岁末了，真快

近来常常都在整理我的思绪，可是却是越理越乱，真烦恼！

人前我在笑，
谁知背后恼？
面具带得牢，
没人会知晓。

曾经有一段时间很喜欢去学文人那样，作诗写词玩楚辞，觉得这是一种气质，这是一种风采。

长大一点之后，却发现气质是一种无形的感觉，是一种人与人接触的感觉，无法做作，不能抄袭的。

这篇部落格比较奇怪，只想天南地北任我谈，没有主题，没有主线。我觉得这种朦朦胧胧，飘忽不定的感觉也可以是种美

我的朋友
可能你觉得我过于飘忽不定
也可能你认为我难于了解
我只是希望我的声音，能有你的回应
不是应酬的回音，
不是习惯性的答复
不是礼貌上的回应
不是报答式的回复
我所要求的
只是将心比心
可以很容易，也可以很难
因为这需要人心的参与
我希望有你的认可
我等待你的反应
我越来越难坚持下去了
可我真的不想丢弃这些
我还在整理我的想法

或许我曾经带来很多麻烦
或许我曾经打扰你的宁静
对不起，我的朋友

我所了解的，你是不拜访别人部落格的大忙人，所以你也应该不会看得见我的这篇部落格

Tiring, stressing...

2008-01-09T18:53:00.001+08:00

Today very tired, last night slept too late already...

But after being more settling from holiday mood, it is time to get back to fulfill those commitment that I have for various parties, projects~ my own goal~ tuitions~ work~ arg..

Time management is definately something I need to improve on, who can teach me???????

First blog after all these while...

2008-01-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

Today I am quite happy...

My good buddy in the workplace told me that he will re-consider an important decision that he had made few weeks ago, initially he is resigning. But today, after talking to someone high high up there in the office org chart, he said he will re-consider this decision and keep on repeating to me that he is headache on it...

Honestly speaking, when he told me he is resigning, I am a bit sad for it, but I also know that I cannot influence him on his decision, because it is too important for him that I know I should not influence him at all on this important decision, so only can patiently wait for his answer...

But recently also felt bad, that my personal output is extremely low, and I keep on dilly dally in the office place. Everyday talk alot, drink tea alot, walk around alot, read email alot, but do only alittle. Cannot continue to stay in holiday mood liao... need to go full force again as soon as possible, and the appraisal also coming soon...

Work work work... only realize recently that working is like already taking 70% of my life time, how good it will be if I can build up passive income that will free me up from all-time active working, that will at least increase my free time by double, will work towards it.. my dream, my wish...