It has been about a week since my last blog...

A few events happen for this week. But I am glad that my good buddy in the workplace now decided to stay after my company counter-offered him some terms that I don't know about the details. And he is now applying for master course in NTU, wish his application to be successful.

This past 1 week has been in a spin-around thought for my own efforts I place in the friendships and relationships I am/was building. I think this is the continuous effect from last week incident that I found myself being cheated, causing me to re-think the value of my trust placing on people. But more importantly, it causes me to think again questions like "is it worth to put in efforts for my friends at all? Will it go in vain again one day? Will my friends appreciate these efforts that I am putting in, or they will just treat that as nothing???"

Recently I thought I have a slight breakthrough in the cell group that I am more hanging around with the cell group, or rather, I start to feel interested to hang around more and fellowship more with the cell group members, then the news about the connect groups comes out, and I felt very sian liao for fellowshiping in the cell group... Just 1 arrangement already almost totally spoilt my interest in the cg fellowship... I think my unhappiness is of 2 fold... If my cell group leader ever observed slightly closely on me in the cell group, he would have known I am closer to whom in the cg and don't need to ask me. And I also have a strong feeling of my previous efforts that I put into fellowshipping with the few comparative closer friends that I currently have in the cell group is in vain or will be in vain again, right after last week incident, this feeling is much stronger and impacting me in a deeper level... I am sinking into the passive side, and this passiveness cause me feel like staying alone again from church and cell group... I think now even if my cell group leader will do any amendment I will still feel very sian to hanging around with the cg already...

Really a very sian week......