Today have been waken up very late because was slept very late last night. Again, I would like to stress that I am a night cat kind of person, my boss commented on me that it may because I like the peace at night.. not sure how true about this comment...
Something happen totally spoilt my mood to the negative side for the day, because it injects in some very irritating thoughts and emotions into me, I felt very troubled, unhappy in my heart. But this is an incident happen in the radius that I felt I not able to separate myself away or I'll risk losing something very important in life, that may make me regret for a life time... I am very confused, and don't know how to handle.
Today I just felt like getting away from my house, far far away, just nice today will attend the Festival of Praise 2008, so with this kind of emotions and mind state, I have left my house and head to SIS for Festival of Praise today. Met Peng huat, Julius and Asher at Tiong Bahru before heading to SIS... ah, good thing all of them are friends that I'm closer to in the cell group, that I can chat and talk with 'joyfully', else I may have been very quiet today. But overall, also because of them around talking to me today, I feel better before heading to SIS.
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Sidetrack a bit, I want take this chance to thank the friend whom have met me at the west and travel together to Tiong Bahru today for fellowshipping with me along the way and distract me away for awhile from my unhappy thought. You know who you are. Anyway, term is starting real soon, "jia you" lor, hardworking man!!! You really impress me with your hardworking (at least the surface look like one), and even more, is the fact that you have taken a step to pursue a higher step in life after working in the commercial world for a while. Not everyone can, or will do so. I always have respect for these friends who do so. But, please, please don't be overly humble, aim for the first class honour, ok? Jia You Jia You! Gambade!
Hey, all my friends who study in NTU who happen to pass by, terms are starting in 28 hours later, Jia You to you all, and all the best for your term.
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I finally reached the legendary Festival of Praise 2008 at around 6pm. With the passionate in God's people, the Q is so long outside the stadium even before the door is open...
Overall, the event is great. The sermon preached by Rev Mark Connel is great... The song is great... but I lack of the peace in heart. My thought is switching very quickly from 1 thought to another, thinking from 1 thing to the other... I stayed in a state that is very difficult to focus. I felt like leaving the event right after the 1st or 2nd song. I don't feel like continue to stay in the event for long... But how can I left the event halfway like that? How can I let the emotions just take me away from church event again like this? I decided to stick on...
Amazingly time passed very quickly. The event has come to an end for tonight, but still things troubling me still remain as very troublesome. I have no solution, I have no direction. Peace of God is not in me tonight.. I meant peace of God is in me, that I still can stay calm, I am not screaming, yelling, thank God for that, but, I need that extra-ordinary abundance of the peace of God that poured upon me before few months back, the peace that is so great and overflowing that everything else is just so insignificant and miniature, knowing every problems and issues is just a peanut in the eyes of God, but this level of peace is not inside of me tonight...
It is very very consuming at times to continously just to believe in God with faith, without knowing how things will turn out, in a period of time of darkness. When the period grow longer, the consumption inside become harder and harder to take on... But I learnt this directly or indirectly from my Pastor (Tan), that having faith (is not merely for the sake of saying that we are having faith in God, but) is to believe that God's character is good ALL the time. I no longer ask myself "Can I continue to have faith in God?", the new question I ask now is "Can I continue to believe that God's character is good ALL the time?". The switch of the question to ask myself has helped me stay slightly stronger in my down time...
"Can I continue to believe that God's character is good ALL the time?" - Yes, I still believe it
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