First of all, my many thanks to the one who have heard the "voice of thrown out from my heart" here... I personally do agree with some of your points, though I am not sure if that matches the teaching of the bible...
By the way, I want to share something with you purposefully here. But before that, I would like to thank God about this. I don't know how to describe exactly, but some days ago, if I am not wrong, it should be since last last sunday/monday, my heart is filled with peace. It is something very special, it really helps to calm down my emotions, and more than that, it helps me to stay happy and joyful especially when interacting with people. This peace continuously fills me up to tonight, up to this moment.
I know I believe this is the peace of God, and I realize that when the peace of God is in me, any other bad things will become not important, and past hurts and disappointments and angers are just nothing, I meant as if they are so tiny until totally insignificant. It was under such condition I've put down my disappointments on that incident and decided to lift up the friend to God's lead, not because I no longer treat him as friend, but I just turn from active to passive in terms of my initiative. If he needs help and approach me, I will still try to help.. But maybe the sacrificial level will drop, the amount of time will drop, I am not sure, but the thing I am sure about is I will do some adjustment myself towards this friend...
Anyway, it has been a very long while I never posted any entry here, tonight while waiting for something to be done, I decided to spend some time to blog some recent event..
Chinese New Year has entered into its 7 days, today is called the "human being day" in the traditional chinese culture. By the way, up to today, the excitement of the chinese new year has almost totally faded away and life has settling down back to normal...
Today very tired, especially my eyes.. it keeps on turning red at night and feel like closing eye-lids all the time. Maybe need to be spend some time really away from screens, or is it because I played too much Mahjong past 1 week??
Hope my eyes will refreshed to its best condition soon...
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
It has been about a week since my last blog...
A few events happen for this week. But I am glad that my good buddy in the workplace now decided to stay after my company counter-offered him some terms that I don't know about the details. And he is now applying for master course in NTU, wish his application to be successful.
This past 1 week has been in a spin-around thought for my own efforts I place in the friendships and relationships I am/was building. I think this is the continuous effect from last week incident that I found myself being cheated, causing me to re-think the value of my trust placing on people. But more importantly, it causes me to think again questions like "is it worth to put in efforts for my friends at all? Will it go in vain again one day? Will my friends appreciate these efforts that I am putting in, or they will just treat that as nothing???"
Recently I thought I have a slight breakthrough in the cell group that I am more hanging around with the cell group, or rather, I start to feel interested to hang around more and fellowship more with the cell group members, then the news about the connect groups comes out, and I felt very sian liao for fellowshiping in the cell group... Just 1 arrangement already almost totally spoilt my interest in the cg fellowship... I think my unhappiness is of 2 fold... If my cell group leader ever observed slightly closely on me in the cell group, he would have known I am closer to whom in the cg and don't need to ask me. And I also have a strong feeling of my previous efforts that I put into fellowshipping with the few comparative closer friends that I currently have in the cell group is in vain or will be in vain again, right after last week incident, this feeling is much stronger and impacting me in a deeper level... I am sinking into the passive side, and this passiveness cause me feel like staying alone again from church and cell group... I think now even if my cell group leader will do any amendment I will still feel very sian to hanging around with the cg already...
Really a very sian week......
A few events happen for this week. But I am glad that my good buddy in the workplace now decided to stay after my company counter-offered him some terms that I don't know about the details. And he is now applying for master course in NTU, wish his application to be successful.
This past 1 week has been in a spin-around thought for my own efforts I place in the friendships and relationships I am/was building. I think this is the continuous effect from last week incident that I found myself being cheated, causing me to re-think the value of my trust placing on people. But more importantly, it causes me to think again questions like "is it worth to put in efforts for my friends at all? Will it go in vain again one day? Will my friends appreciate these efforts that I am putting in, or they will just treat that as nothing???"
Recently I thought I have a slight breakthrough in the cell group that I am more hanging around with the cell group, or rather, I start to feel interested to hang around more and fellowship more with the cell group members, then the news about the connect groups comes out, and I felt very sian liao for fellowshiping in the cell group... Just 1 arrangement already almost totally spoilt my interest in the cg fellowship... I think my unhappiness is of 2 fold... If my cell group leader ever observed slightly closely on me in the cell group, he would have known I am closer to whom in the cg and don't need to ask me. And I also have a strong feeling of my previous efforts that I put into fellowshipping with the few comparative closer friends that I currently have in the cell group is in vain or will be in vain again, right after last week incident, this feeling is much stronger and impacting me in a deeper level... I am sinking into the passive side, and this passiveness cause me feel like staying alone again from church and cell group... I think now even if my cell group leader will do any amendment I will still feel very sian to hanging around with the cg already...
Really a very sian week......
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