Drink Drank Drunk

Today went BBQ with some of the colleagues from the workplace.. Given 9 people going, but the colleague who prepare for food have prepared portion that is enough to feed 18 people I believe.. so much... But honestly speaking, the food he prepared is of many different varieties, and off course that made the food part of the BBQ not boring...

They brought liqour and red wine, and as someone who have never join the group for a drink before, I become one of the targets that they keep on finding reasons (excuses) to feed me with the alcoholic drink....

But actually I also hope to try some liquor as I never drink before (except for the incident during childhood days when I and my friend drink X.O. which is left behind in his parents' room).. Ok, not bad... Hahahaha~~

My physical body is much better than my initial expectation today after the night
jogging last night, and today I feel quite awake as compared to those days before the
night jog.. I am wondering if it is because today is Friday and I am waiting for
tomorrow to have off?? Not sure.. But today in terms of meal in-take seems like also
under control also... (in fact today quite easily felt hungry but still not taking in
too much, am I consuming too much energy last night??)

But I still have body ache especially at my legs' and arms' muscles part. Suddenly
feel like running again, and playing some other sports too, if not got the body ache,
I think tonight I would have another night run alone again. I think it will take me
2~3 days at least to recover from the body ache. Really hope that this round I can
grasp hold on the momentum to jogging. I seriously need to lose out much weights..

My boss has come back from Cambodia and gave me a call to ask if everything is ok in
the office while he was away...

Seriously I started to have this consideration whether I should request for a put
down of my leadership role to one of the groups under him after 1.5 years of
leadership. I just felt that I am losing my drive to be in the role. I rather being
assigned specific task to do and then just do than having too much freedom to
decide I want to do.. I just run out of ideas on what I should do... I think I will
make a decision shortly.

Hm.. Tomorrow BBQ time with my colleagues. Finally after so long. But I am quite
disappointed also that many others are not join. My good buddy in office KarWei is
not last minutes not able to join, our youngest colleague YewHun not joining, our
dear Thai friends Vee and Athip are both not in also... Feel that if they were around
it will be even more fun...

Looking forward to it nonetheless...

Night Jog...... again

Tonight went out night jogging with Hq. The feeling after the run is so good, even though my stamina is as bad now after so long never really go for any serious exercises, but today is definitely a good start for me to picking up running...

Once heard before people said that once your muscle cramp before, it tends to be easier to cramp again, I don't know how true it is, and also don't know how long the effective period this saying is refering to, but unfortunately, my leg, cramp again... I used to have leg cramp.. at the age of 16/17... but forgotten if cramp on the same leg...

But when I immediately touched the muscle when I feel cramped, I can really feel the 'piece of meat' called muscle 'moving', the feeling is so weird... Alright.. don't know what will happen to my muscles tomorrow... I may be crawling into the office...

Will I be the spiderman or the cicakman will depend on my physical condition tomorrow liao~

Anyway, I open up another section below for today to blog down some unhappy stuff also... Recently my heart kept on very tiring, not physical one, but mental and emotional one... Everything turns out not to be good in life, and this situation is worsen by losing the sense of direction in life... My emotion is impacted very easily, and I am at the line of decisions for my principles of life now, either to stick with what I am adapting right now, or swicth to the opposite. Very often, I am so tempted to switch to the opposite and at time already stepping over to the other side of the line, anyway, who will care if my believe system and my characters already changed??

May be due to my past, I felt that my cg leader don't know how to "handle" me when I share something with him, and at times, this feeling is so bad that I am thinking that he may not be interested with what is happening in my life anymore... Is it because I overshare my life to him in the past? Is it because I will be very open to take every initiative to share with him almost anything if something happen in my life? I don't know, but I surely in doubt... If I no longer sharing all these.. who really cares?

Cares and concerns, I thought I have, but none the less, it seems I don't really have... I don't know how much you care, I cannot tell, neither I can tell how much God cares! My heart cannot feel this correctly now... Sometimes just feel like close heart up, and never open it up again..

Someone said to me before: joy is a choice, but this so far still does not applicable to me... If I showing happy face just because of the happy-face-mask that I am wearing, this is still too far away from the joy that I am pursuing...

Short Term Memory

Recently keep on having short term memory temporary lost syndrome, maybe too old, or because I seldom use my brain nowadays?

But recently always having this experience that day time I got things that I want to blog about but then during night time when I really sit in front of the laptop have no idea to blog anymore... How???

Time flies very quickly, it comes to the second half of November once again... then it will be Dec.. Christmas... New Year... and my father, mother, sisters, friends will all be 1 year older...... But seriously, this year Christmas is not a happy season for many of the people, because of economic crisis, and jobs are shaky nowadays... A lot of people are worrying that they will lost their jobs...

Need to move things faster, really need to build my business up quicker, I cannot wait to see it up soon... Losing my momentum in the workplace very quickly...

When you think you have no value in the workplace, you cannot contribute much, that feeling is very horrible.. If you think you are too needed in the workplace, and you contribute everything, that feeling is very horrible too... But I belong to the first group... In this sense, I feel I very 'dui bu qi' my boss, Meng. I am very gladful that I have a boss like him, and I learnt really a lot from him, and I know it is really out of his heart that he wants to grow everyone reporting to him up to the next level in the career. I meant, if you are working adult, you will know that it is not every time you will have a boss who will spend the time think of a grow career plan for individual personnels under him/her. And my boss got a lot of patience on some of my bad attitutes, of which makes me appreciate him as well...

Initially don't know what to blog, then now like already written quite some words in this blog.. wow... talkative me.. lolz... yes, I am quite talkative if you know me better and off course provided I also know you well enough...

Ah.. suddenly recall what I initially want to blog about today day time... it is about a book I read recently (talking about book again??). Yes. Because I feel that this book has quite a positive influence over my life... At least, during the period when I read about it (I almost finished reading it now), it encourages me to step out in one of the area that I seldom do in the past and indeed, I stepped out. The feeling of the breakthrough, seeing that I myself doing somethings that I never able (or dare?) to do in the past is so good!!! WAH~~, SO GOOD~~~~~~~ HOORAY~~, YES~~, YAHOO~~~~

My laptop has spoilt since last friday. I guess some hardware board has been spoilt in the system. So inconvenience, now need to borrow my sis's laptop to do my work. Sigh, my budgetting figures, my projects' work and data all are in the laptop, totally cannot access.

From this story: it is very important to do backup.

Sigh.. behind every frustration there is opportunity, opportunity of business...

So tired now, the feeling of eager to get something done yet not able to progress fast and felt like got things dragging me back is so irritating...

Everytime under such state, I will try to slow my heart down, it works for me to stay more peaceful in my heart...

Today while I taking train to the office place, the feeling of wanting to write drama script has come back. Sigh.. there are a lot of things I wish to try, but keep on having the letargy heart that brings me nowhere everyday.. waste of time...

Work, work, work, work........ for survival, for the money for the future days, feel so bounded, when can I break free from it and work for the things that I really like in my inner heart????

No specific topic, just felt like leaving behind some footprint on the net today, so come up with this 'Rojak' blog post, it shows that my mind is in a very complex state right now.. sigh...

Living between the dream and the reality

Today is an unhappy day for me, leaving behind doubts in my mind regarding myself... Don't want to mention it here

I wonder if there is any other people used to live in a dream-mindset before. I don't know how to describe it exactly, it is like the whole mind is in a state of dreaming, and things around no longer real, and the mind keep on wanting to just stay in the state of dreaming... I have been very long never in such a state, it is a mind condition that I realized I am extremely irrational and may do things without considering the consequences.. So I keep on telling myself, it is already 1pm in the afternoon, time to wake up!!

Recently life has not been too good, though I am keeping to stay joyful and laugh as much as I can. Remembering younger days, when I am not in a good mood, my face will totally tell. There was people use to tell me that my face is so stern until look like want to kill people. Now off course I am much better in wearing a layer of mask onto my face. The surface appeared to be smiling, laughing and happy, though the underlying heart maybe sad.

Frustrated, wish to be able to progress in things that I am doing faster... God, I need a miracle (and if possible, miracleSSSSS) !!!